Life as a Fixer

 

When I talk about being a fixer I am not talking about being a lawyer for a powerful and influential family. I'm also not talking about a person who cleans up messes for a mafia or crime lord family like you see on TV shows or movies. I am talking about being someone who does their best to help solve the problems of family and friends.

These people, these "fixers" have deep desires to take on the trials and burdens of those around them. They become consumed at times with trying to figure out how to help lift the load of those who are hurting physically, mentally or financially. They sacrifice time, energy and money in order to help those they love and care about. They always want to fix whatever problem others are facing.

I know of where I speak because I AM one of those fixers! As a matter of fact, I come from a long line of fixers on both sides of my family. My mom always tried to help people, especially her children. Her mom, my grandma, was also a fixer. She always tried to help family and friends with money problems. My grandma on my dad's side lived a life as a fixer. She was always trying to be a help and make life easier for her family. She gave and loaned money and had family members move in with her so they could get back on their feet. I have cousins who lean hard towards the "fixer" mentality, too.

I tend to take on burdens of every sort from those around me. I have done so since childhood. I so desperately want no one I care about to struggle physically, mentally or financially. If I can help fix it, then I want to do so and often go to great lengths to help. I'm pretty sure that's a good thing in this world. The problem comes in when we ignore care of ourselves. We fixers tend to neglect to get proper rest, sleep or food because we get so burdened in our hearts and minds for our loved ones' situations. Self care goes right out the window as we listen to the trials and burdens that everyone is dealing with. We go about trying to fix their problems at sometimes great cost to us mentally and physically. We can make ourselves sick with concern and searching for solutions for them. 

I know that prayer and giving things over to God is what is most necessary. It is not always easy to do, though! Our fixer tendencies come out, making it harder to let go and let God handle it. This shows our deep compassion for others. I've not met a "fixer" yet that wasn't a compassionate person. Be grateful for the fixers in your life. It's not always easy for them and remember that sometimes your fixer needs fixing, too!

When Truth Hurts

 

We all need people in our lives that help us to feel supported. We want and need validation sometimes. We need to feel like there are people on our team or in our corner, so to speak. I believe these are needs that God has placed deep within us. There is much scripture to support this idea. In the Bible we are told to bear one another's burdens. We are told to have fellowship together. We are told to weep with each other and to rejoice with each other. We are to encourage each other. 

We also need people in our lives to tell us the truth, even if it may hurt us. We need people to hold up a mirror to us that reflects back to us how we are acting. We may need to hear that we are over-reacting to a situation or being too sensitive or just being a whiner who is having a pity party. Maybe we need to gently be told that we are not as talented in an area as we think. Sometimes we need to be told we are caught up in sin or not seeing a situation clearly. Both types of people are needed in our lives. 

There are going to be times in our lives when we won't have those feelings of support we desperately want. This can cause hurt just the same as the convicting truths cause hurt. The difference will be that one involves correcting oneself and making changes. The other involves forgiving those who hurt in their failure to give wanted support. People disappoint us sometimes. There will be times in life when friends and family will be too busy, too selfish, too momentarily spiteful or too whatever to lend support to us. It's going to happen. What we do with the hurts of nonsupport or hurtful truths can make or break us in any given moment. If not handled correctly, we will face mental and physical problems. 

May God bless those who are always there cheering us on and those willing to wound us with truth or constructive criticism, because both are needed in life!