Giving Grace

Lately I have been thinking a lot about grace and how important it is to extend it to others. Let's talk about grace. What is it? How do we give grace?

The definition of grace is unmerited favor. Getting something that you do not deserve. That's grace. In Ephesians 2:8 we read "For by grace ye are saved through faith: and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:" So God extends grace to all who will accept the gift not because we deserve it but because He loves us and wants to have a relationship with us. He also expects us to extend grace to others. Let's look at some ways we can give grace.

First, with our words. Be kind and gentle when we speak to people.
Proverbs 25:11 - A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Meaning a timely spoken word is both precious and beautiful. 
Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. When people hear kind and encouraging words they feel good in the core of their being and good feelings brings better health.
Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Make sure when we talk to people, we are helping and not destroying. 

Secondly, in our actions. Doing kind and helpful things for others is commanded by God. 
Galations 6:10 - As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. When an opportunity presents itself, we are to do good to others and especially to other Christians.
Romans 12:10 - Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 
Showing kindness and affection and honor to the other person.
Ephesians 4:32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Kindness and forgiveness involves action on our part. The other person can't feel the grace we are extending by being kind and forgiving without us expressing and showing it. 

Thirdly, by forgiving. We have been forgiven by God when we accept his free gift of grace. Therefore, we are also commanded to forgive others when they seek forgiveness.
Luke 17:4 - And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. I like that we are not commanded to forgive someone who is not repentive or sorry. I do think for our own sakes that we should forgive whether they seek forgiveness or not so that we don't become bitter, but clearly that's not commanded.
Matthew 6:14 - For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:  God forgives when we forgive. I believe the above verse still applies in this situation. 
Colossians 3:13 - Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Forbearing means to put up with. In other words accepting flaws and all. 

All of the above mentioned are ways to give grace to others. We may not feel they deserve any of them but that's the point! Grace means getting what you don't deserve. We do not deserve the grace of God yet he offers it to us. It is out of love that His grace is extended to us. If we are  extended such grace then we should also give it. 

Lastly, by witnessing or telling others about Saving Grace. This is also commanded with promises! 
Mark 16:15 - And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. This is Jesus speaking. He told his first disciples to go and preach the gospel. He left us here on this earth to share the good news of his Salvation.
Proverbs 11:30 - The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life: and he that winneth souls is wise. I am pretty sure this is self-explanatory! 
Daniel 12:3 - And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever. There's your promise. We will shine brightly like the stars when we turn others to Christ. 
2 Corinthians 5:18 - And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given unto us the ministry of reconciliation;  We have been reconciled to God by Jesus and are now expected to spread to others how to be reconciled to God. It's pretty simple. 

We all want grace given to us so let's make sure we are giving it out to others also. Cut people some slack. Be kind. Be helpful. Forgive. Most importantly tell them of what Jesus did. 

Bible Study Dos and Don'ts

This is not a post intending to get in anyone's business or tell them how to run their lives. It's just some thoughts intended to help. I've had people express to me that they read their bible daily but do not know how to study it. This post is to give some tips in that area. 

First, have a bible with a concordance and glossary in the back. Also, keep a dictionary close by. I also recommend having a bible app program on your phone or computer so that you can look up the meaning of a word in one of the original languages (Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek). Sometimes this is helpful because the English meanings may be different from what Bible writers intended. Also, it is helpful at times to have bible maps to understand where places were. 

Always have a notebook to jot down things you want to remember or look up in the future. This may be good when you do not want to veer or get sidetracked from what you are currently studying but you know you would like to understand better. This way you will not forget to eventually go back and study that subject, too. 

Do not be afraid to underline or circle words and jot down meanings in the margins so you do not have to constantly look that word up when you read the passage. You will not always remember meanings when you come back to a passage in later months. I know that some people do not like to write in their bibles feeling it is sacrilege to do so. I once felt that way when I first was saved and got into going to church. My pastor told me that it wasn't and that I should personalize my bible. It's God's gift to me. My bible is full of underlines, highlighted verses, notes in the margins and sermon titles in the margins from preachers I have heard. The empty pages in the front and back are full of notes to reference when I need to go back and refresh my understanding. 

If you have opportunity or access to commentary books either in book form or via the internet, I recommend you use those also. Be sure it's from a reliable source and one you trust. There are many different doctrines out there and a commentary should line up with yours. Be advised that not every commentary will get every thought or doctrine correct, even the ones you trust. Do not be afraid to check more than one commentary. They are after all, only men who may be wise and intelligent, but are still fallible at times. 

One of the most important things is to understand who is being spoken to, what is being spoken about and how it applies to us when we study. Believe it or not, some things are spoken directly to and are for specific people in the bible and does not always apply directly to us today. While all scripture is given for an example it doesn't necessarily apply dogmatically to every Christian today. 

This girl here is a KJV only girl. Not because I believe all the thee and thou, and eth words are necessary but because I believe it was translated from the correct texts or manuscripts. I believe the bible writers were inspired by God but I do NOT believe the interpreters of the KJV were inspired. I think they were intelligent, scholarly men who were godly men seeking right and praying about it. With that being said, I think we should be very careful about getting caught up in how the order of the books were placed in our bible. They are not in chronological order. Therefore, we must not see "transitions" from one place to another simply by what order the books show up in the bible. For instance, the writings of Paul are placed in the bible according to their length and not according to WHEN he wrote them. Do not make the mistake of thinking Paul said one thing to the Corinthians and then later he moved to say something else to the Galatians and therefore there was a transition in Paul's thinking and sayings. This cannot be so since the book of Galatians was written before the books to the Corinthians. The only way to allow this skewed thinking is if you have decided that the KJV interpreters were inspired and therefore they placed the books in that order to show a progression and transition in Paul's thinking. Do you understand what I am driving at? We can allow our bible study and understanding to be skewed by focusing on what we believe was intended simply because of where a particular book of the bible was placed. This is just one example of getting off in our thinking simply due to where a book is placed in our bibles. 

Do not be afraid to ask someone such as your pastor, pastor's wife, Sunday school teacher, etc. when you have a question. That is really their main jobs! They are to train and instruct you in your knowledge of the bible to help you in your walk with the Lord. 

Above all, do not let the fact that you do not understand a verse or passage in the bible detour you from studying it. There will be those verses and passages. It's ok to set that area aside and decide that you'll understand someday and then move onto another passage. There may be some things that you do not understand this side of heaven but giving up and not trying is not the answer. If you give up, you will not learn and grow at all. If you decided in the first grade that reading was too hard and gave up and refused to try anymore, you'd never have learned to read and understand. It's as simple as that! I firmly believe study is much more important than reading through the bible in a year. I know many people who have read through their bibles year after year but still do not understand most passages because they refuse to study and try to understand. 

I hope these dos and don'ts will help somebody out there. 

What Happened to Etiquette?

As I watch the world around me, I can't help but wonder what happened to plain old etiquette? There are so many things lacking and that haven't been passed on from the previous generations. I'm not talking just about manners. I'm talking about a whole slew of things. From taking turns, how to dress, to  hospitality. What happened? Each generation has let more slip away by not passing right things on to the young.

Now let me say right off that I am not always perfect at the things I will mention but I am going to work on doing better. I struggle to always do what I know I should. Some of it I wasn't taught myself when I was young so I have had to learn as an adult from other wise people.

The above statement is very true. Even if you don't practice some things at home, you should know how to behave in public and important situations. 

Our church has had a funeral every month for the past six months. What I am about to say hasn't just been noticed the past six months. I noticed a few years ago. People no longer dress for a funeral in the manner I was taught growing up. I have more experience going to funerals than the average Joe because I have gone to them on a regular basis since I was 4. I am 53 now. Also add in ministry life and there has been many funerals due to that. I was taught that you dress up for funerals in conservative dark clothing such as black, brown, gray or navy. Possibly hunter green was acceptable. It's a time of mourning. I was also told not to wear makeup or fancy jewelry. It's a time to be humble, to show grief and remember that it is about showing respect to the dead. Now days, people show up in shorts and flip flops or jeans and a t-shirt or even look like they are going out clubbing. Now I get times have changed and that instead of funerals we call it celebrations of life. However, they still look like funerals and there is a lot of crying and heavy grieving happening so why dress in everyday clothes like it doesn't matter?
Why not dress to show respect and honor for the dearly departed and for the grieving family and friends?

Now when you look up etiquette online, there are all sorts of rules and protocol to adhere to for many different areas of life. They stem from table manners, to office/work conduct, to social media.

Since I already opened up dress let's continue there. Pajamas are not for public use such as Walmart! They are for home, for sleeping or lounging around the house and undergarments are not meant to be used as layering or accessories in an outfit! There used to be a certain style dress called professional/business dress in an office type setting or an interview setting. Now it seems that is completely out the window. I have seen people show up for interviews in jogging pants or ratty jeans (and that was women!). The news anchors all dress in tight dresses as though they were going out for the evening on a date rather than in professional looking business style clothing. They used to wear skirts, blouses and jackets. You were able to focus on what they were saying instead of how much cleavage was showing or how many curves exposed. We once went to a school event where the principal got up and gave a speech. This was a lady addressing the students and parents and she was dressed in red leather pants and a skin tight red top with a plunging neckline. She also had on a piece of jewelry that brought your eyes right to her cleavage. I suppose that she was being hip and figured that people would be more easily reached if she was on their level. Call me crazy but a place of authority should be more concerned with displaying professionalism that would demand respect for their position so that all concerned would feel secure in their leadership. I personally wouldn't want to see the president of the USA give their state of the union address in a pair of shorts and Hawaiian shirt. 

There used to be a time when children were taught to SIT and eat, at home and in restaurants. Now, kids are all over the place in their seats (or not!) as they eat. They are on their knees wiggling and turning around and getting off the chair, etc. This goes on in restaurants, too. I see them climbing on the back of booths or getting under the tables or flat out running around. They are also not taught to use inside voices. Teach your child to sit and eat. They will make less messes if taught to be still for the duration of the meal. They will be more prone to eat rather than be distracted. 

Moving on to handwritten thank you or encouraging notes. This is one I struggle to keep up with. My sister always sends handwritten notes of thanks and has taught her children to do so (whether they want to or not!). Handwritten notes are special. They can be kept by the receiver as a keepsake that they can go back to again and again. I still have notes from years ago that I will look at once in awhile. 

Next, hospitality. What happened to inviting people over for dinner or lunch or just a cup of coffee or tea? Our lives have gotten so busy that we do not take time to get to know people on a personal level. I confess that this is one I struggle with often. Ministry keeps me jumping and zaps my energy and quite frankly I am pouring so much of myself into things about church that I just want to come home and veg out and have peace and quiet. That is selfish I know and I want to be more hospitable so I am going to work on that. 

I have been wanting to post about this for some time and I realize that this was more a rant than anything but I do still wonder what happened to etiquette. 

Being a Goad & Nail

A goad is a sharp stick that is used to prod along an animal. In other words, it is used to urge an animal to move forward. The above verse tells us that the words of a wise person will urge someone forward. This is the job of a preacher, a teacher, a father, a mother, or any other person in authority over another person or a group. It's the purpose of a speech. A speech is given by someone who is trying to motivate others in the direction they'd like to see them go. It is used to inform. 

A nail is a firm and steady holder. It secures something in one spot so that the object will not move. The above verse also says that the words of a wise person will not only urge someone forward but will also give them something solid to hold to such as knowledge or truth. It is much easier to move forward when you have sure footing to use to move ahead. When we are secure in our knowledge of a truth, it is so much easier to keep going ahead and goad others along with us. If we are not secure, we may waver in moving forward. We may more easily be distracted and may dig in our heels in resistance to even a goad pricking us in mind or conscience. 

As we learn new truths from others, we need to also be a goad and a nail for someone else. Matthew 28:19-20 gives a command to go and teach others what they've been taught. 

Just a thought provoker. How are you doing being a goad and a nail? 

Running to the Man of God

Today I want to talk about the Shunammite woman. I love her story in 2 Kings chapter 4. Right from the start she perceived that Elisha was a holy man of God and fed him and then asked her husband to build a little room for Elisha to use whenever he passed through Shunem. Elisha wants to do something nice for her to say thank you for her care and kindness. She asks for nothing and Gehazi tells Elisha that she has no son and her husband is old. Elisha tells her that she will have a son around this time next year. Later the boy dies after having a terrible headache. The woman lays him on the bed she set up for Elisha and proceeds to go see Elisha to ask him for help. The bible says she asks her husband for a servant and a donkey so she can "run to the man of God". Her husband asks why and she tells him "it shall be well". She trusts that Elisha will make things right and help her on behalf of God. 

I think it is interesting that when she gets to Mt. Carmel, Elisha sees her afar off and recognizes her. He sends Gehazi immediately to see if all is well with her, her husband and her son. They had a good enough relationship that he knew her from a distance and also knew that if she had come, there must be something wrong. Her response is "it is well". She had told her husband that "it shall be well" but once she got to Elisha she said "it is well". At that point in time it was not yet well. Her son was still dead, but she trusted that Elisha would do something to change that scenario. Guess what! He did! 

I know that we no longer have prophets like in Old Testament times but we do have pastors that God provides to give us help in counseling, guidance, and training. A pastor is to be the under-shepherd to take care of the flock. It amazes me how often church members do not utilize this! Many of the flock have problems or need guidance yet they go ahead alone or seek counsel from friends and family rather than the person whom God has given to give the help. I understand that God gives us people in our lives who can be a great support and many may even give biblical advice but God intends for a pastor to be a source of help. If you remember, the Shunammite woman didn't seek help from her husband other than permission to run to the man of God. She went straight to the person she felt had the most pull with God in her life. The one who could give the best help. 

Many church members keep themselves at a distance to the pastor and pastor's wife. They don't let us in. They keep their lives secret and don't share anything. This makes it hard to recognize when they have a problem. It also makes it harder to offer help or counsel because we know nothing of the details of their lives. My husband has been in full time ministry since 2003. In all those years there have only been a few people come to him for advice or counsel. As a matter of fact he had more people ask when he was an associate pastor than as a pastor. We are never sure what to think of that. Is it because members don't want the pastor knowing what is happening in their lives? Is it because they don't trust what he will say? Is it because they think they know what he will say and don't want to hear it? Some people don't like to ask the pastor because "he's so busy and I don't want to bother him". Guess what, that's part of his job! God says so! If a pastor ever acts put out because someone needs help, it may be time for him to get out of the ministry. 

I think people should be like the Shunammite woman and run to the man of God where she was confident she would find help. If you are not confident in your pastor, maybe it's time to find a different church where you can be confident in a leader. Not every church is a good fit for every person. Just saying! 

Learning to Lay Down FOR the "With Mes"

A few months ago I attended a ladies retreat and one of the messages has inspired this post. The speaker told a story of a man who was dying of cancer and on hospice. His sister had moved in to care for him. She thought that she was doing everything just right. She tended to his every need with scheduled meds, meals, laundry, house cleaning, bathing and dressing. However, one day he was having a particularly alert day and as the sister approached his bed to check on him, he grabbed her arm and said "lay down with me". She resisted at first but the man pained himself to move over in the bed and so she climbed into the bed and put her arm under his neck and around his shoulders. He pressed against her and cried and then smiled and drifted off to sleep. 

The sister quickly realized that while she was busy tending to her brother's daily needs she had neglected his most important need. Just being present with him and hugging him. Touch is such a very important part of love and life. It's why now when babies are born they are instantly placed on mom's chest, skin to skin, for the bonding moments. 

We tend to do that, don't we? We think that being busy doing for people is exactly the same as spending time with them. While it may be a showing of love because after all labor is that; it is not the same as conversation, touch and just being present for them. Sometimes what is needed most is your presence. Just being there, up close and personal. 

Many parents are so busy climbing the corporate ladder that they do not ever spend any time with their children. They are allowing other people to raise their kids. They miss important activities the kids are involved in doing such as sports, plays, birthday parties, graduations, etc.  

Many people wait until someone is about to die before they bother to spend any time with the loved one. They may only live a couple miles away but still rarely see them. Btw, if someone you love is on hospice, one of the best things you can do for them is allow them to talk. Let them talk about anything and everything they desire. If they want to talk about olden days, let them. If they want to talk about their funeral arrangements, let them. If they want to talk about their fears, let them! Just be a good listener. It's important to them and for them! 

Be the person who frees their time to let them talk to you. 

In order to be there for the "with mes", we must lay down the busy daily tasks that in the grand scheme of things, absolutely do not matter! Don't believe me? Ask the person who is coming to the end of their life if it matters if the floors are sparkling clean or if the hours worked to make money was worth missing out on life events. Ask the child who is sad and hurt because mom, dad, grandparent or someone else they love wasn't at their Christmas play or track race or football game or baseball game. Memories are much more important than money and toys. 

This final pic should be a daily prayer. Not just the removal of burdens in our minds but also to remove the barren busyness that consumes our lives and gets in the way of the really important stuff. Our church has had 4 funerals directly related to our congregation this year. Three of them have been since September! We only have a congregation of about 30 people and many are related so each funeral hits very hard. We have two more coming pretty quickly, possibly before the end of the year and it's the first week of December. I can allow myself to get sidetracked doing daily life tasks or I can choose to be there for those who are hurting. I will fight to do the latter. 

Voting No Confidence

"A vote of no confidence" is a phrase used to explain when a group decides that a leader is no longer capable of performing their duties and the group casts a vote to remove them from office. It's basically a political coup. This can also be done through the American voting system by voting out the previous leader when you are not satisfied with their performance and electing a new one. 

However, people often unknowingly or sometimes intentionally give a vote of no confidence by refusing to show up. Some voters refuse to show up to the voting places and cast their ballots because they don't like any of the candidates. They have no confidence in any of the choices. People don't show up for their court hearings because they have no confidence in the legal justice system. 

I recently watched a TV show in which a police commissioner was supposed to conduct a news conference with the mayor to show a unified front and the mayor didn't show up. The commissioner was upset and made the remark that it was a "vote of no confidence" in him. 

That statement made me think that it is the same with church attendance. When people lay out of church and church activities, it can relay a message to the pastor as a vote of no confidence. No confidence in his preaching and teaching, and no confidence in his vision, goals and direction of the church. Pastors all across the United States are discouraged and feeling defeated because there are a bunch of no shows week after week. Now maybe you may think that he should look inward to see if there is reason for a vote of no confidence. I don't know very many pastors who are so arrogant that they wouldn't look inward first. They question what they may be doing wrong. What they can do different or how they can better reach, disciple and motivate people. 

I believe the people of the USA have become so nonchalant in their Christianity that they think it's okay not to be faithful to church. They think it's okay to engage in pet sins and that God just winks at it since they have accepted God's gift of salvation. Church attendance is fit in whenever it's convenient and doesn't interfere with any other plans.  In other countries, where maybe the Bible is outlawed or not readily available, or it's illegal to be a Christian or go to church, the people will do whatever necessary to have God's written Word or hear it preached. Many put their lives on the line to do so. 

In some ways the USA is hindered because we have open access to the Bible and to church. It's so readily available that it's taken for granted. God's Word isn't precious to many. Being able to go to church and worship openly isn't precious to people. To many it's an obligation, a duty and even an inconvenience that is put up with. When you go to church like that, not expecting to be blessed and learn then you probably won't be blessed and won't grow. 

I hope if you are reading this post that you will consider it when you are thinking about skipping church. Dig deep and ask yourself why you are willing to skip. Is it because you don't have confidence in your pastor? If the answer is yes, then you should talk to him and see what can be changed or you can find a different church to attend. Either way, you should be in church to grow and learn and share the burdens of others.