Great Expectations

 Great expectations....no this is not about the book. (I've never read it, but I'd like to) I want to address the topic of our expectations. I came to realize years ago that our biggest disappointments in life usually stem from our expectations. When things don't go as we expected them to, we get sad, angry, and may even have a complete "melt down". Basically, adults are often like the three year old that doesn't get what they want, right when they want it. This can be displayed in many areas from road rage to birthday gifts to supper plans, to date plans to bedroom plans and on and on. We get angry when traffic doesn't move along as we want. We get sad when we don't receive the gift we were hoping to receive. We may feel cheated when we don't get to go out to eat or when something other than we want must be cooked. We get upset when a date must be cancelled or is not what we wanted it to be. We feel unloved if romance doesn't carry on the way we daydreamed earlier in the day. When these things happen and we dwell on the not getting what we want, we react in negative ways. Even if we don't react, we deal with all these emotions inside because expectations were not met. 

The old term, "the honeymoon is over" stems from when newlyweds have the newness and giddiness wear off and reality sets in. A few days, weeks or months (depending on the couple) after the wedding, reality of life...habits, characteristics unknown until you actually dwell together, finances, work schedules, ...life.. reveal themselves and adjustments must be made as starry rose colored glasses come off. Pretty much every married man or woman out there at some point after the wedding has the thought "this is not what I thought it would be like". Most people adjust and take it in stride and learn to give and take and accept shortcomings and missed expectations. There are some who do not, though, and these are the folks that struggle with bitterness and resentment. They become cynical or short tempered or live in a state of distress or depression. They become nagging (not just women) and critical. 

The higher you set your expectations the greater chance for disappointment and hurt. Now, I am not talking about setting expectations for personal goals to achieve or expectations of our children. Realistic expectations. I am talking about day dream type of expectations. Wanting a husband to be sweet and thoughtful and romantic 100% of the time like the guys in the chick flick movies is unrealistic. 50% may be unrealistic for many! Wanting a wife like June Cleaver who cooks breakfast dressed in pretty clothes with full make up on and wearing pearls (who also cleans in the same way!) is also unrealistic. Face it...everyone wakes up with morning breath, hair sticking up and in need of brushing their teeth! Men, especially those who do physical labor for employment, get dirty and stinky from working and sweating. Reality is reality and we either accept it or get upset.

Expectations must not dictate our lives. Plans often must change due to unforeseen circumstances. Cars break down, children get sick or have ornery days, and needs arise. I always say "make your plans in pencil and give God the eraser". (In fact, this saying is on our church sign outside right now!) 

Everyone day dreams or fantasizes about how things may be for a particular moment. That is ok as long as you realize that it may not become reality and you don't allow yourself to become upset if it doesn't and you can enjoy the moment that truly does happen. Ladies, if your guy texts or calls during the day to say hello and to hear your voice, be happy and thankful and don't be upset if he doesn't bring you flowers when he gets home or take you out for a candle light dinner. Accept the good things that come your way. Guys, if you come home from work and she is wearing baggy lounging clothes with her hair in a ponytail but has cooked a great meal then be happy and thankful. And remember, she looks the same under those clothes whether they are baggy sweat pants or a pretty dress. ;) Just saying! 

Maybe we need to evaluate our expectations and remember to keep them in check and make them realistic. If we don't, we are in for much hurt feelings and disappointments. Learn to go with the flow!