Leaving and Cleaving

I want to talk about the importance of leaving and cleaving and what the bible says about it. First of all, I'd like to point out that the command is given to the man, not the woman! For this cause shall a MAN leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. I wonder if this may be because men tend to seek a motherly type role for a wife? They often go from being taken care of by their mom to being cared for by their wife. Many do not ever live on their own and learn to develop cooking, cleaning, or laundry skills. Not true for all but for many. I've even heard preachers say that if their wife died, they'd have to get remarried quickly because they didn't know how to cook or clean!

Now, I believe it is wise for both men and women to leave and cleave. I even think that it may be wise for the newlyweds to move away from both sets of parents (for a time) so that they must learn to cope and deal together. It is not so easy to run back home.

I don't think that it only means physically leaving the parents either. Many move away a long distance but still mentally cleave to the parents. Both will make comparisons of mom or dad to the other spouse. Let me tell you, this is unwise and will often lead to an argument or resentment can develop for the in laws. Ex. -- "My mom didn't cook it that way." "My dad was great at car repair or a great financial provider" "My mom cleaned the house EVERY day." -- You get the picture. I have learned that even if you don't express these thoughts, you will harbor resentment if you allow them to creep in. Instead, allow your spouse to be who they are ---within reason. Don't try to turn them into your parent. Maybe your wife doesn't cook scrambled eggs the way your mom did---but maybe she fries chicken better than anyone else you've tasted. Accept that! Maybe your husband isn't very handy at car or home repairs but if he shows you and your kids love and care that is more important. Maybe he will be good at asking someone else for help or be able to hire it out. 

Just remember that leaving and cleaving is mental as well as physical. Cleaving means stuck together. (A meat cleaver is used to separate meat from bone and gristle) Be a team. A team that is on the same side, with the same goals, working towards them.