Filling Someone's Shoes

I am someone who has always been given much responsibility even since childhood. I was often put in charge of my sister or all my cousins while the adult family members were off fishing as we camped or what have you. I was taught to be a responsible person even at a young age.

I have been reading through a book off and on entitled "Plucked from the Burning" over the past year. I don't get a lot of time being a pastor's wife to just read for my own enjoyment. This book is about a Baptist preacher who was the only survivor of a small plane crash in Missouri which took place back in the 80s. As a survivor of a car/train accident, I can relate to his recovery process although his was much more extensive than mine was. I'm nearing the end of the book and he had a chapter about survivor's remorse. Something in which he dealt for several years after the plane crash. I, too, dealt with guilt over surviving my accident when one did not. The author of the book was the only survivor and there were three other preachers on board which included the pilot. They were flying home from a preacher's convention. The man went on to say that for several years he would hold the newspaper article detailing the plane crash and which also included each man's pictures. He would pray and ask God to help him "finish their ministries". This went on for quite some time but then one night before bed as he prayed that same thing, he felt God burden his heart and seemed to put a new thought in his mind that said "Those men's ministries ARE finished. I want you to focus on what I want YOU to do". The man said he felt instant comfort and release from the burden he had felt for so long. 

As I read that at 4 in the morning (because I was having trouble sleeping), my heart was pricked and thoughts flooded my mind of "You are not your mom. Her work is finished on earth since she is now in heaven. It is not your responsibility to be her. You cannot fill her shoes, or replace her in everyone's life to fill the void nor should you try. Be the sister, cousin, mom, niece, and friend that you can be to those you are close with but stop trying to be her. It is not your responsibility to be the glue that holds the family together. It is not your responsibility to take over being grandmother to your child, or for your nieces and nephews. It is not your responsibility to take over being a mother to your sisters. 

As those thoughts came, I cried and had such a feeling of relief and burden lifted as I allowed it to sink in to my mind. I have felt for 6 years that I needed to step up and be all the things to everyone that my mom was so that everyone else can cope with life. After all, I am the one who is strongest and I am the one who knows how to handle crisis and I am the one who has always been put in charge to take care of everyone else so why wouldn't I step up to fill my mom's shoes? For the past three years I have been trying to do this long distance as I try to help my husband in the ministry here in our church. I fully believe those thoughts of letting go of trying to be something that's not my responsibility to be, came straight from the Holy Spirit of God.

The comfort and relief I now feel over this realization has brought peace to my mind. It will take a willful intent and determination to  act on this new realization and take a stand for myself. It will be hard to gently tell others that I will only fulfill my role to them as is in the natural course of things. I am not even sure that others realize that they have relied on me in this manner. Grief and trials of life make it hard to see things clearly sometimes. 

This has come at a great time because I have a need to focus on myself (not in a selfish way) but in a health issue way. Some things have developed that must be addressed and if I do not focus on fixing there, I will not be able to lend myself to others in the capacity God intended. From my research so far, this will not come quickly nor easily. It will take time for answers but I will have to be persistent, diligent and wise. 

Are you someone who is trying to fill some one's shoes who has left intentionally or who has passed away? Please give some serious thought to this post and make sure that the shoes you are trying to fill is what God expects you to do. In some cases the answer may be yes but in many it will be no! Live where and be what God has for you!