Understanding Church Ministry

Have you ever had one of those "hit you like a ton of bricks" realization moments that comes from just a statement from someone else? I had one of those awhile back from my hubby when he was venting a bit of frustration about many pastors in general. Now, let me say that we have been in full time ministry since 2003, either as my husband being the pastor or associate pastor, but he has ALWAYS been bi-vocational (worked a secular job & did ministry) in smaller churches in rural areas. Therefore, my attitude had always been to expect that the church members would & should help out around the church with both the physical & spiritual labor. After all, isn't everyone who claims to be a Christian commanded to serve the Lord? The answer is yes! How better to serve the Lord than to help at church? Yes, but as my husband said in passing recently, "Pastors need to realize that THEY were called into the ministry not the church members he was given to shepherd. Pastors need to stop expecting that there should be weekly work days at the church building and preaching guilt about not showing up when the members have worked 40+ hours that week trying to care for their families, especially if the pastor doesn't have to work a secular job." 

Whew! This declaration made simply in passing, nearly knocked me over with conviction. I am going to be very open and honest and say that many, many times throughout ministry life (in every church since entering full time ministry) I have felt abandoned to do the labor. All the labor. (and quite frankly there were times that feeling was justified) I felt that no one cared. I felt that no one had to think about the church building or the things needing done in ministry because the members KNEW it would be done by the "pastor's family fairies" who would always be sure things were done. They could just go about their own lives and come to church when church time was and never give any thought to anything else. Wow! Putting that out there in raw emotion sounds very petty I realize. I am just being honest about how I have felt in the past. Many times over the years, I would grow frustrated, angry and allow myself to become bitter as I would work tirelessly at times at the church, all the while not understanding why rarely members would offer to help even when there were personal trials in our own family.  

I have always said how much I love being a pastor's wife and having that be part of my identity even though ministry life is NOT a leisurely walk in the park. However, when the conviction hit recently, I suddenly realized that I must not really love being a pastor's wife. I must not really love ministry life or I'd not let serving get me down or upset, even if I feel alone. I almost cried at the very moment the thoughts came to mind. I had let my bitterness steal my joy of ministry life. I had a stinking, rotten attitude and it was taking it's toll on my mind and body. Now, in every new ministry area we go to, there is the initial excitement of a new work and meeting new people and the joy is there and you have boundless energy to dive right in with both feet. But, as time goes on in each area, if you allow the frustrations and bitterness to creep in, your attitude changes. No longer is it exciting. It becomes burdensome. It is your own attitude that has changed, even if the initial help of the members and their excitement in getting a new pastor and family has waned. You are not responsible for anyone's attitude but your own! 

I suppose right here is a good place to explain exactly what is ministry. Well, in my Hebrew and Greek concordance (Old & New Testament wording) it simply means physically serving. It means to wait tables, to take care of necessary things that need tending. We usually add in the spiritual side, too, but it's the physical labor side of serving that ministry is referring to. The cleaning, the mowing, the shopping, the visiting, etc. 

I have had a much better attitude lately and remembered that ministry life means doing the necessary, the extras, for those God gave us to minister to. When I looked back over the years I realized that some of the hurt I endured was justified in feeling but my poor attitude in response was not! My bitterness was not. I am a pastor's wife and with that comes great responsibility, but we accepted the call into ministry not our members. 

Should we encourage our members wherever we serve to help and to be compassionate to those in the town and to spread the gospel? You bet! However, we need to be grateful for those who help when they can and not set expectations too high, for the call into full time ministry was ours not theirs.