Learning to Lay Down FOR the "With Mes"

A few months ago I attended a ladies retreat and one of the messages has inspired this post. The speaker told a story of a man who was dying of cancer and on hospice. His sister had moved in to care for him. She thought that she was doing everything just right. She tended to his every need with scheduled meds, meals, laundry, house cleaning, bathing and dressing. However, one day he was having a particularly alert day and as the sister approached his bed to check on him, he grabbed her arm and said "lay down with me". She resisted at first but the man pained himself to move over in the bed and so she climbed into the bed and put her arm under his neck and around his shoulders. He pressed against her and cried and then smiled and drifted off to sleep. 

The sister quickly realized that while she was busy tending to her brother's daily needs she had neglected his most important need. Just being present with him and hugging him. Touch is such a very important part of love and life. It's why now when babies are born they are instantly placed on mom's chest, skin to skin, for the bonding moments. 

We tend to do that, don't we? We think that being busy doing for people is exactly the same as spending time with them. While it may be a showing of love because after all labor is that; it is not the same as conversation, touch and just being present for them. Sometimes what is needed most is your presence. Just being there, up close and personal. 

Many parents are so busy climbing the corporate ladder that they do not ever spend any time with their children. They are allowing other people to raise their kids. They miss important activities the kids are involved in doing such as sports, plays, birthday parties, graduations, etc.  

Many people wait until someone is about to die before they bother to spend any time with the loved one. They may only live a couple miles away but still rarely see them. Btw, if someone you love is on hospice, one of the best things you can do for them is allow them to talk. Let them talk about anything and everything they desire. If they want to talk about olden days, let them. If they want to talk about their funeral arrangements, let them. If they want to talk about their fears, let them! Just be a good listener. It's important to them and for them! 

Be the person who frees their time to let them talk to you. 

In order to be there for the "with mes", we must lay down the busy daily tasks that in the grand scheme of things, absolutely do not matter! Don't believe me? Ask the person who is coming to the end of their life if it matters if the floors are sparkling clean or if the hours worked to make money was worth missing out on life events. Ask the child who is sad and hurt because mom, dad, grandparent or someone else they love wasn't at their Christmas play or track race or football game or baseball game. Memories are much more important than money and toys. 

This final pic should be a daily prayer. Not just the removal of burdens in our minds but also to remove the barren busyness that consumes our lives and gets in the way of the really important stuff. Our church has had 4 funerals directly related to our congregation this year. Three of them have been since September! We only have a congregation of about 30 people and many are related so each funeral hits very hard. We have two more coming pretty quickly, possibly before the end of the year and it's the first week of December. I can allow myself to get sidetracked doing daily life tasks or I can choose to be there for those who are hurting. I will fight to do the latter.