The other "I don't understands" I must leave to God and trust Him and His plan. There have been times when I thought "what good can possibly come from this?" Even when I have had these thoughts and hurt so deeply within, I have still chosen to trust. As Job said, Though he slay me, yet will I trust him.
Still, I don't understand why I have been surrounded by death all my life. I have spent time at the funeral home in support of loved ones since I was 4 years old. I don't understand why my dad died when I was 12. I don't understand why my mom got lung cancer 5 years after quitting smoking and then passing after a 14 month battle. I don't understand getting to start a church and then having to close the doors 7 years later due to lack of growth and finances. Then later I don't understand trying so hard to impact people in Oklahoma only to see the church not grow and seemingly having no influence on the people. I don't understand why I survived being hit by a train when my friend, Warren didn't. I don't understand nearly dying yet surviving COVID and others don't. Every time I find out that another person who has COVID dies, I feel guilty. It reminds me to be grateful and to try to live up to the second chance God has given. I also must tell myself that God decided to let me live and chose to take those others. But the initial pang of guilt is always there.
I often don't understand what God is doing but I trust Him. Jeremiah 17:7 - Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
Romans 11:33 - O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
God is sovereign. It's His ball game. He is not only the coach but the umpire, the team owner and He gets to make the rules of the game of life.
I hope this may help someone who is struggling today with the "I don't understands" of life.
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