Church Should Be A Refuge

 

I have always said that my church should be my refuge, my safe haven so to speak. It should be just like a family home. It should be a place to shut out the world of evil and wickedness and be able to rest. However, in many churches that is not the case. I have been in churches in the past where I was attacked and evil spoken of when what was being said wasn't true. I have had times where I was excluded from the "group" and not been invited along to a lunch or a shopping spree or a game night. The older I get, the less these things bother me but when I was younger, it hurt deeply. 

I expect to go into the world, at the grocery store or gas station or other place of business and possibly be treated poorly. I should NOT have to endure that in my refuge! Nor should anyone else! No one should get so nervous walking into their home church that they are sick to their stomach or have shaky hands because they are uncertain about how they will be treated. They shouldn't have to worry if they will be excluded or included in conversations or befriended by others. Personally, I think it's a shame that anyone would have to endure that at their place of work or an organization  for which they volunteer but how much worse for them to experience that at their safe haven of a church?! 

I realize that not all people will click in personality but all should still be kind, friendly, and included. Really! How hard is it to be kind and friendly or at least civil?! Too many people do not know how to have correct relationships with others. They do not know how to be inclusive or to even show interest in another's life and what's happening with them. They only seem to care about self. Self is what is so wrong with this world! 

We can do better as church families. Don't start a conversation with someone or ask them a question and then walk away before they can answer as though you really weren't interested but was just being cordial. I want to go on record as saying that I am not personally experiencing anything I have voiced but I have observed it happening to others over the past several months and even couple of years. I try to make a point to speak to the person that I feel was inappropriately treated. I am not perfect at that but it is something I strive for. I think we sometimes are careless with the feelings of others who very well may be at a breaking point and carrying a burden that no one is aware they have or feels like they do not matter. JUST BE KIND! Church should be a refuge!

That's My Job...It's What I do

 

There's an old country song of Conway Twitty by this title. It's about a father and son's relationship. As a parent we have different job duties at different stages of our children's lives. When they are babies and toddlers we teach them all the physical things they need to learn as they grow. We teach them to talk, sit up, eat, drink, walk and potty train. As they grow into older children, we teach them how to dress themselves, make their beds, brush their teeth, do some chores and ride their bikes. As teens we teach them to drive, fill out applications for jobs and/or college and all about dating or courting. Even in adulthood we are still training. The difference from childhood and adulthood is that we should probably wait to be asked for the help or advice. If we've done a good job while they're still under our roof, then they will know how to conduct themselves wisely and responsibly as adults in the world and will still seek our help and council when they are unsure. That's our job. --To help when we can. 

Some of us have many jobs. Some are daily out in the workforce. Others are homemakers or stay at home moms. One of my job titles is wife. That comes with many duties that cover a multitude of various things. It can include cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, running errands or tending to phone calls that must be made, caring for the farm animals and yes, also having a romantic, physical relationship. It absolutely involves being a support system and cheer leader! That's my job! It keeps me quite busy! We strive to have a biblical marriage and home as much as possible. I enjoy being a "keeper at home". I LOVE that I am not required to daily get up and report to a boss outside the home. 

I have other job titles, too, such as sister, daughter, friend, fixer and counselor. The duties for these are to listen, encourage, rebuke when necessary, help in any way I can, and just be available. Ever since I was a kid, these last few job titles have fallen upon me easily. I have always been someone who has had people open up to me and share with me their troubles, burdens or when they just need to vent. Perfect strangers have done this! I have stood inside stores and had strangers just open up and pour out their heart like we were old friends! I am not sure why but even at times in my life when I have tried to step back from these roles, I just can't seem to do it. It's just who I am, I reckon. These are apparently, forever, my job. It's what I do! 

The job title of Christian has some of the same duties that fall under the previous titles but my most important duty is to tell people about the love and saving grace of Jesus. Along with that is to live so that they will want to listen when I do speak to them about Jesus. If you are a Christian, it's your job. It's what you should be doing! So be like Nike and just do it!! 😉

The "I Don't Understands" of Life

 

So many times in life I find myself saying, "I don't understand". I don't understand the craziness in the world. I don't understand the nonchalant attitude of many Christians being careless with their testimony. I don't understand the meanness of people. However, I can usually shake my head and shrug these off and chalk it up to humanity and sin natures. 

The other "I don't understands" I must leave to God and trust Him and His plan. There have been times when I thought "what good can possibly come from this?" Even when I have had these thoughts and hurt so deeply within, I have still chosen to trust. As Job said, Though he slay me, yet will I trust him. 

Still, I don't understand why I have been surrounded by death all my life. I have spent time at the funeral home in support of loved ones since I was 4 years old. I don't understand why my dad died when I was 12. I don't understand why my mom got lung cancer 5 years after quitting smoking and then passing after a 14 month battle. I don't understand getting to start a church and then having to close the doors 7 years later due to lack of growth and finances. Then later I don't understand trying so hard to impact people in Oklahoma only to see the church not grow and seemingly having no influence on the people. I don't understand why I survived being hit by a train when my friend, Warren didn't. I don't understand nearly dying yet surviving COVID and others don't. Every time I find out that another person who has COVID dies, I feel guilty. It reminds me to be grateful and to try to live up to the second chance God has given. I also must tell myself that God decided to let me live and chose to take those others. But the initial pang of guilt is always there. 

I often don't understand what God is doing but I trust Him. Jeremiah 17:7 - Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Romans 11:33 - O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

God is sovereign. It's His ball game. He is not only the coach but the umpire, the team owner and He gets to make the rules of the game of life.

I hope this may help someone who is struggling today with the "I don't understands" of life.

What Women Want

 I think I may have blogged about this idea years ago but it's been on my mind lately so I thought I'd do it again today. There's a lot of talk about what women want and there's even a whole movement out there demanding it. I plan to touch on the things that are wanted by most women deep down in their souls. 

I believe all women want a hero. Despite that there are many who say they don't need a man and can do everything themselves, I do think they want someone they can admire and who will save them from the things that frighten them. And yes! Everyone has fears. Fears of failing. Fears of not being good enough, etc. Whether they admit it or not, in their hearts they know themselves and what fears they have. The hero can take many forms. Maybe he fixes a broken appliance or car so that the repairman doesn't have to be called. Maybe he opens the jar of pickles that she was unable to open. Maybe he holds her hair while she throws up and helps her back to the sick bed. Maybe he changes the baby's diaper so she can have a break. Maybe he cooks or cleans to give a break. Any or all of these can create a hero in a woman's mind and heart. 

Often times, it's not about what a man does but how a woman FEELS around them. Women want to feel chosen. Chosen over anyone else, especially other women. Don't get me wrong they want to feel chosen over the buddies, too! Few things can melt the heart like hearing "I'd choose you again". 

This leads right into and goes along with women want to be a priority. No one wants to feel they are at the bottom of the to do list. They want their feelings and desires to be important. They want to be considered. 

Women want to be and feel supported. They want their ideas, thoughts and dreams to be supported and not poo pooed or discounted. It hurts the heart when someone doesn't feel supported. They feel like they no longer matter. 

Women want to be appreciated for the little things. No one likes to be taken for granted. It's important to tell someone that you notice the extras or just appreciate the everyday things. I almost died from covid back in September 2021 and since then my husband has expressed the little things that he's grateful for that I do for him. This makes my heart happy in knowing he appreciates me and he'd miss me if I were gone. 

Women want to feel gorgeous. This happens most when being told that they are by people they care about. They want it said even on days when they feel like they look awful. 

Of course I realize that most of the things I mentioned are also appreciated and desired by men, too. It's just called being human. It's being kind one to another. 

Most women I know do not want to take power from a man. Most don't want to try to compete with or be like men. There's a world philosophy out there that says all women are envious of men. (they use a term that I'm refraining from using because I don't feel it would be lady-like) While there may be some women like that, I don't believe it's the norm. In reality, true man envy is seeing the line at the women's bathroom and none at the men's or knowing your husband can jump out of the car and go beside it while you have to run inside the house urgently! 😅

One more thing. What women REALLY want is a very comfortable bra and comfortable shoes!!!

Taking off the Wonder Woman Outfit

 This post will not be what most will expect. I want to talk to those of you who have taken on a mindset role of Wonder Woman. So many  are strong women mentally and physically --well me not so much physically anymore! LOL :) but I consider myself a strong woman. We tend to try hard to live up to everyone's expectations and demands. The problem with that is we take on too much. Too much for our minds and bodies to endure. We become overwhelmed and worn out in mind, body and spirit. Then we crash! You see, just because a woman is strong doesn't mean she can do anything and EVERYTHING. Nor should she be expected to do it all. Everyone has limitations. 

Just because Wonder Woman could stop flying bullets, keep up with Superman and apprehend all the evil bad guys and never need rest all while looking perfect and sexy doesn't mean all women can do it. Yet so many of us try. I see you! I see you trying to do it all. To be the great mom, wonderful wife, awesome grandma, terrific teacher, best sister, perfect nurse, great care giver, best _____ (fill in the blank) and feeling like you fail on a regular basis. Or, if you are not failing, you're running yourself ragged and into a frenzy while running on empty and on the verge of a total break down. By the way, Wonder Woman is a character in a comic book and TV show. She's not real! 

STOP! Take off your Wonder Woman outfit and take a bubble bath, slip into some comfy, lazing about clothes and relax and take time to clear your mind. Or do something you enjoy today. Do not think about all you "need to do" or "should be doing". Remind yourself that you can't pour from an empty pitcher. You must go to the faucet and replenish so that you have something to pour. Figure out where and what your faucet is. LEARN THE WORD "NO"! Saying "No" is the first step to setting boundaries for yourself. Stop trying to please those who can't be pleased. Stop caring about opinions of those, who in the grand scheme of things, do not matter especially when they don't care about you and your needs. The world will not stop because you stop! Trust me, those around you that are draining your energy and making demands will figure out how to do for themselves. They will! LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT to live in survival mode where joy doesn't exist or smiles and laughter are too few and far between. People treat you the way that you allow them to treat you...ALWAYS. Respect yourself enough to demand better treatment. An easy step is to set boundaries. Boundaries shows others that you are not Wonder Woman and that you can't do anything and everything. Saying "No" will start the boundary process. Oh, those around you will not like it one bit. They are used to getting their way. They are used to you meeting every demand and expectation. But, stepping back from responsibilities dumped on you and saying "No" once in awhile will force them to do for themselves or figure out how to get things accomplished on their own. It may even help them realize how much they have taken you for granted. 

I'm going to share a picture to encourage you ...

 We can take off this Wonder Woman outfit and be ourselves, in our own clothes and watch some of the stress and feelings of being overwhelmed and anxiousness disappear. The outfit will still fit when we're ready to put it back on and take on the world again. 

Hope this encourages someone. If it does, please share! The more shares, the more people might read and follow my blog. Thanks. Have a blessed day!

The Time Bomb of Menopause

 

I say time bomb because for me that's how it seems to have happened. The hormones which began ticking at age 15 have been tick-tocking away all these years until BOOM! Two weeks after turning 55, almost like a bomb going off, the hot flashes began. Don't get me wrong, other symptoms have come on more slowly and were more sporadic but it was like the hot flashes hit over night! As someone who has always been cold, these outbreaks of hot and sweats are a new experience. Finally! I am now having my husband complain of being cold as I am the one turning the furnace down! 

The beginning of "Senior" life is indeed a new ball game. I say "senior" because at restaurants you often get a Senior Discount once you reach 55. 

From what I hear hot flashes are only one symptom of this time bomb. There may also be mood swings, hair loss, and hair growth in new places such as the upper lip, painful intercourse, joint pain and memory issues and yes, weight gain, especially in the waist area. Any or all of these can seemingly hit over night. This is our reward for living to this point?! This is the trade off for the gained experience, knowledge and wisdom?! I'm not sure I like it one bit! I think this little scenario may have to be one of my "God Questions" when I get to heaven...."Why did you do that?" lol

The Importance of Touch

 

I think so many take for granted how important touch is to people. Covid has certainly destroyed touch with all the rules and now habit of social distancing. Masks keep people from seeing expressions. You can no longer share smiles. I'm over the whole mask thing and only wear one where I am absolutely required to do so, such as a doctor's office or hospital. Lack of touch is the worst part of dealing with covid on a daily national level. I was recently hospitalized with covid and I can say from experience that I longed for hugs and touches from my husband and the rest of my family. I even cried some days and expressed to the nurses how much I just wanted to see and hold my husband's hand. Once my husband insisted on them moving me to a room with a window where he and my kids and grandkids could see me and we could talk on the phone, it helped my spirits so much. It still wasn't touch but it made me fight to get better. The nursing homes did a disservice to the elderly when they refused to let their families into see them and touch them. The employees could come and go yet family couldn't. By the way, it was medical staff that brought covid to the nursing home patients! --Every single time! If they were or are worried about covid spreading, they would pay nurses and staff hazard pay and lock them in the facility until danger has passed. Because of not being allowed to see their families, many of the elderly fell into deep depressions and quite frankly, gave up. This harmed their physical well being as well. 

Touch helps both the physical and mental state of anyone or even any animal. A calming and soothing voice also helps. It is seen in the NICU when nurses are caring for newborn babies. It is seen at the vet as they talk to the animals and pet them gently or hold them. These days doctors have discovered that touch is so important that when a new mom first delivers, they immediately place the newborn on the mom's chest for skin to skin contact. Yet, hospitals and nursing homes are keeping people from this very important asset!

IT STINKS! And I might even go so far as to say it's wrong. My husband, who had just gotten over covid himself, (so wasn't in danger) wasn't allowed in my room to help me make decisions about my health choices yet the hospital chaplain got to be in there. Bob was furious. He hadn't set eyes on me since leaving me at the ER 3 days earlier and was only being allowed to see me on a zoom call. I looked bad and could barely speak. There is just something wrong with that scenario!! 

My point is that touch is IMPORTANT! Hug and touch your loved ones daily! Never miss an opportunity because it's more therapeutic than most people realize. Scientists have proven that petting an animal brings joy and happiness to those who partake. How much more important is touch between people?!