When God Sends a Train

I have never blogged about this topic before. It is because I have to open up and be very personal about my life and an experience in my past. In my old blog I had eluded to the subject a time or two but never felt pressed to share until now. I woke up in the middle of the night last night with the subject on my mind and felt burdened to write about it. 

On February 16, 1985 I was in a car train collision at an unguarded railroad crossing in a small rural town. I was a passenger not the driver. The crossing was on a gravel road, at a strange angle and a driver had to pull up almost onto the tracks to see both ways if a train was coming or not. (Since then, the crossing was closed by the state due to its danger) I was 18 years old and a senior in high school. The driver was a friend of mine and had graduated the previous year. Before anyone jumps the gun wondering...no we were not out partying or anything like that. It was mid day as a matter of fact. Somewhere between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. (not recalling exact time) and had went to the local convenience store to get some food to eat or munch on. Imagine; a simple trip down a country road to get a Hostess Cherry Pie and my life was forever changed. There were two other passengers in the car. Both of them were 15 years old. Those two were best friends. One of those was my cousin who was riding in the back seat. The other boy was someone I considered a brother and who was the brother of my boyfriend at that time was sitting between the driver and me in the front seat of an old Valiant. I will not give lots of detail about any of the other passengers in the car because their business doesn't need to be made public by me. I will say that all of us sustained life threatening injuries and one of them (the boy I considered a brother) was killed instantly. His funeral was over before I was ever out of ICU and even told about it. 

I don't know how else to tell this story but to continue now with the order and way that the memories come to me. When the group got into the car after shopping and started back to the home of my boyfriend at the time, my cousin had the bag of food in the back seat and was handing stuff to those in the front as we started driving off. We were reaching backwards over our shoulders (not turning around). Let me say that this particular day was unseasonably warm for February and so we only had on light jackets and the car windows were down (and no radio in the car). We were just talking. As I was opening my cherry pie we started across the railroad crossing. I looked over to my right and the front seat was directly over the tracks. Then I saw the big green train and its light coming straight at me. Now all I remember at that point was thinking I was going to die and planting my feet against the floorboard to brace myself in some way and shutting my eyes. (No one was wearing a seat belt ...and it was before seat belt laws). I remember hearing the boy seated between the driver and me laughing. My cousin distinctly remembers me screaming at this point and saying "OMG do something. OMG". (I said the driver's name, which I am omitting for privacy sake) (Please know that I don't use the term OMG anymore since trying to live a life pleasing to God) 

Now, apparently the driver responded to my screams because I do remember feeling the car accelerate at this point. We actually almost cleared the tracks before impact but the train hit the back edge of the trunk of the car and threw it about 15 feet threw the air and the car hit the railroad crossing X sign and landed on its driver side. I and the boy in the middle were thrown from the vehicle. I was the first thrown out and landed actually across the gravel road from the car in the ditch. Paramedics said they actually only found me when they got on sight because they heard whimpering and thought it was probably a puppy. 

At some point I could feel people touching and moving me and could hear noise around me but couldn't see at first. It was kinda like when you come out of anesthesia. Then I could see a man kneeled over me and I asked what happened. He said, "Honey, you were hit by a train." I chuckled and said, "Why am I alive then?" Then I was out. I came to again and the man was using scissors to cut my clothes off me to get to my injuries. I told them not to cut my Cross Country jacket and then I went out again. I don't remember the ambulance ride and only vaguely have memories of the first ER I was in.

Because of the seriousness of the injuries we were taken to separate hospitals so as not to overload any one of them. The boy who died and I were both taken to the closest hospital. By the time my mom and aunt arrived at the ER I was responding some...even talking. I don't really have much memory of this but I do remember them being there. 

 I remember asking about the others but don't remember being given much info except all is well. As soon as I was stabilized at that particular ER my mom insisted that I be transferred to their affiliate hospital in St. Louis where my cousin had been taken. The doctors fought her on it and she finally went ballistic and demanded it and told them that our families would need each other through all this and that we needed to be in the same hospitals. Finally, the hospital chaplain came in and reasoned with the doctors and they allowed me to go. I remember this ambulance trip some. Mostly just the jostling which was excruciating. When arriving at the second hospital my step-dad had also arrived and came to see me in the ER exam room. He took one look and went out and fainted outside on the sidewalk! He had to get stitches in his forehead and my mom had to go through all the paper work for him too! ha ha I was coherent enough when he came back in later to my ICU cubicle to notice that something was different about him but I couldn't figure out what. (He had a bandage on his head) So, I was in and out and not always sure of things. I remember always being asked my name, what day it is and if I knew what happened. I pretty much always gave the right answers which was a good thing. 

OK, here is the list of injuries (just because I don't know where else to put them)...I had a broken right femur (thigh bone) for which I was immediately put in traction (which requires surgery), a slip fracture of the pelvic bone on the left (this could not be set because of all the other injuries so it is crooked and sticks out some in my back and causes my left leg to be about 1 cm shorter than my right...everything got shoved upward), five broken ribs, a ruptured spleen which also caused a collapsed left lung, a gash on my chin which needed stitches and a big gash on the back of my head near the crown but never received stitches but should have. My lung was tapped 3 times in 4 weeks because the spleen kept leaking blood. If it would have happened a fourth time they would have taken the spleen. Thank God that didn't happen. I was in ICU for 7 days and in the hospital for 17 days total. I was given a choice of remaining in the hospital in a body cast from the waist down for 6 weeks or having surgery to put a steel nail from my hip to my knee and going home in two days. Needless to say I voted for surgery! (the nail was removed in 1990 due to problems) It took a full year to be released completely from the orthopedic surgeon. During my hospital stay it was the most awful pain I had ever been in. I knew I had to breathe in order to live but every single breath brought pain. The pain meds wore off before more were allowed leaving gaps and catch up time between.

Now, when I went home from the hospital I was as close to a paraplegic as you can get without actually being one. I could not bend my right leg more than a couple inches but could move it from side to side a little. My left leg could bend some but could not move from side to side more than an inch or so. I began physical therapy weekly with the therapist coming to the house once a week and my mom did the exercises with me on the other days. At first I could only tighten the muscles and think about it but I got stronger each week. Doctors said I would not walk unaided by my graduation day (May 28), but I have a strong determination and told them "Watch me!" I was released from crutches 2 days before graduation day! I was wobbly but the guy I walked down the aisle with at the ceremony held my elbow to keep me steady. It was a victory for me and my family in many ways. I fought hard for that and God helped me through it all. 

Doctors also said that I would not likely be able to have children because they didn't think the compromised pelvic bone would support carrying them. They were wrong again! God blessed me with two children even though both pregnancies were plagued with trouble. I had grown up wanting to have enough kids for my own baseball team but that was not to happen. I got a girl and then a boy. I had enough troubles during pregnancy that the doctor that delivered my son when he pulled him out by c-section said "One of each! You are now done!" 

I know that this has been a long post but as those who are regular readers know, I don't like just sharing. I also like to help people to think and maybe even to encourage them. So, all that big huge long story to get to this....

That train that day made my journey through life take a detour. My mom and I always felt whole-heartedly that God sent that train to keep me from marrying the wrong man. I was promised/engaged to the brother of the boy who died in the wreck. I was supposed to get married the fall after I graduated. Because of the death of the boy and my own guilt the relationship didn't survive this tragedy and we broke up. God had to send a train to get my attention because like I mentioned earlier, I am determined and very stubborn (especially back then). Even though I had felt some uneasiness about the situation I was in with the guy, I shoved the feelings back and pressed forward. Really it was because I wanted desperately to be loved and felt no one else would want me. (the guy had helped plant those seeds of doubt in my mind but that is another post for another day) Those uneasy feelings that were plaguing me were whispers from God. ...The still small voice. God always starts with whispers and moves to strong winds and mightier winds and then tornadoes or freight trains or whatever will get your attention. I try hard to pay closer attention to the whispers of God in my life since becoming a Christian. It sure makes life easier! :)

The past several weeks have felt like another freight train has come. The loss of our church and part of my identity as a pastor's wife has left me feeling lost and unstable. It has been nice having a break from all the responsibility but it feels strange. I am, so far, remaining surprisingly calm about our finances. I am not sure how to pay the bills but am praying and trusting God to supply somehow. 

I have had a few bluegrass songs and a couple others that have helped my wounded soul. Here are the lyrics to one of them...

I Will Trust You Lord

It's funny how we do it, compartmentalize

We plan for success and try to pass the pain right by.

But it just doesn't work that way

God has a different plan,

He works in ways we'd never see

Beyond the scope of man.

Chorus:

When the journey takes a detour unexpectedly

and I try to accept and understand what it all means,

when I'm pressed to show the world

what I really believe, I will trust you Lord.

When my heart begins to faint because 

I see a life so fray,

and I my soul cries out "Oh Lord how long can

I keep this at bay?"

In the fiercest part of battle,

When my feet don't want to stay

I will trust you Lord with my life.

I may not understand it, and even question why.

What good can ever come from this

has even crossed my mind

but God's teaching me to trust Him more

as He works His will in me

I rest securely in his care

and surrender sure is sweet!

Chorus

This song says what you need to do when God sends a train. When He sends a detour unexpectedly you must trust Him with your life.