The past couple months I've had a health scare. In July I found a lump in my left breast. I prayed and waited and tried essential oils but the lump wasn't going away so I finally told Bob about it in October. At this point, since it was breast cancer awareness month, I thought I'd try to get a free mammogram through a charity program since our insurance had run out at the end of August. We didn't qualify for a free mammogram and Bob set out to find us insurance. My doctor felt that the lump I was concerned about was probably not anything to worry about but she found another lump that concerned her. Insurance was purchased and I finally was able to have a mammogram and ultrasound yesterday. It turns out that they feel it is nothing to worry about but do want me to be rechecked in 6 months to keep an eye on things. It had been since 2002 for my last mammogram and so they want the recheck in 6 months to have a comparable.
During these past few weeks, I have had lots of time to reflect on my life and think about the things that really matter. Think about dreams and goals that I have yet to meet. Think about things that are really important to me....to put things into perspective. To face my fears and doubts. To wonder about things I never did before and to realize my flaws, my vanity and weaknesses.
To talk about them openly would be difficult because they are so personal. It would potentially cause hurt to others and may lower other's opinions of me. I could make a list of things I have realized about myself but I will refrain for now. Who knows, maybe someday I will feel compelled to share the details.
One thing for sure, is that a cancer scare will make you do some self evaluation, reflecting on life and realize what's important. No one is guaranteed tomorrow so make the most of time with loved ones.
One thing is interesting to me. For this whole past year, I have been taking steps to become healthier and then I had this scare. At first, I really focused on natural cures and keeping myself from things that are known to feed cancer. Then, as time ticked by, and I felt like no one else close to me was concerned and had thoughts of "I may not have much longer so why deprive myself of things I love and enjoy". I started allowing things back into my eating habits and now that the scare is over, I must purge those things again, such as sugars and gluten and soda.
Yep, cancer puts things into perspective. It puts it into persepective even if it is not you but someone you care about. However, it hits differently when it is you. Even when you have strong faith, your mind plays out things and you ponder many scenerios. See, I believe completely that God can work miracles and often does but it doesn't mean He WILL heal. I had prayed the entire time that it be nothing but if it was, that God strengthen me and use it to glorify Him and that natural and alternative methods would be shown to work.
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