Roller Coaster Rides

I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride off and on for a couple months and then I thought I had gotten off on November 22.  Twenty four hours ago I was shoved back on... unwillingly ... yet there I was yesterday on my 30 year wedding anniversary getting a phone call from my primary care physician's office telling me that there were abnormalities on my mammogram and ultrasound report and it was being recommended that I see a breast specialist and see if they thought I needed a biopsy. I was in such shock that I really didn't ask questions but gave permission to set up a referral to the specialist. I then decided to call back a little while later and discuss it. I was told it was routine to set that up when everything wasn't completely normal. However, when I had gone for the testing, of which was extensive, the radiology Dr. told me she saw nothing that concerned her and that she wanted to put my mind at ease. Naturally, I was confused by the phone call yesterday. 

---Jump ahead to today...this afternoon I got a letter in the mail from the breast health center where tests were done stating that all appeared normal and to follow up in 6 months as per conversation on test day. Confusion began again. Now, I spent some time off and on in tears the past 24 hours and tried to keep myself from worrying too much. I started getting angry and decided to call my primary doctor's office to see what was up. After an almost argument with the receptionist and her insisting that the report they had (which she read to me and stated that they had discussed findings with me and my husband) --which they had! --- and she said they always refer patients to a specialist when anything shows up. I proceeded to explain to her when she didn't understand why I was confused or questioning the referral, that I was told about those abnormalities on the day of testing and that the doctor expressed she had no concerns at all. By the time I was off the phone with her it was left that she would set up referral and I could decline later when they called. Now, I was a teeny weeny upset and had trouble not blasting the woman. I finally said, "There is a mistake or misunderstanding somewhere. Either the radiology doctor had no business telling me on test day that there was nothing to worry about and then reported that there is, or you guys are misreading the results and scaring the crap out of me for no reason." 

I was so upset and crying that I called Bob and told him what happened. He suggested I call the center where the tests were done. My daughter said the same thing. So, I finally got through after several attempts and spoke to a very kind lady. She pulled my test results up while I was on the phone and read the report to me. She said she didn't know why they were making the suggestion to see a specialist. She then further told me that "this is a breast health center. If doctor would have had any concerns or thought you needed a specialist, you would have been taken off the table to her office immediately and had an appointment set up before I left the building. We don't mess around here with people's lives!" She then told me that the only recommendation was to follow up in May (6 months) and to do self breast exams each month to see if I notice any changes such as size or more soreness. If I do, I am to call right away. 

I am emotionally drained! I feel so tired! On the way to church tonight I told Bob even though I had good news I still feel like I am going to cry. 

I know that some may say that it is better safe than sorry. I understand that to a point but really? To order an appointment with a specialist and possible biopsy that is going to cost the patient money and stress waiting for that appointment. Seems to me unnecessary. Btw...when I was talking to the receptionist that wanted to set up referral, she told me that they may not even be able to get me in until January!!! I almost reached through the phone line! It took every ounce in me not to scream at her that it was inhumane to expect someone to worry that long over a possible cancer scare! ---Over the holidays! Really? How nuts is that?!!

I'm tired of this ride! I want to sail on some smooth water and just drift around awhile soaking in the sun, the air and the beauty God created not go on a fast paced, hilly, up and down, twist and turn ride that makes me cry and scream and feel relieved and calm and then start over again.

I know I am not the only one who has gone through something like this. We went through it several times when my mom got diagnosed with cancer but I want my roller coaster rides to be chosen by me and strictly for thrills and fun! No more forced rides!