Expect Much

I've learned over the years that when you don't expect much from young people or even older people, that's pretty much what you'll get. When you don't allow a child to try a task because you think they are too young or too small, you create in them a fear of trying. The same goes for their behavior. When you coddle them and baby them and continually allow them to be silly all the time without expecting them to conduct themselves correctly all the while saying, "They are just a child" or "They are only 2 or 3 or whatever age they are" you are allowing them NOT to learn to act correctly. While we cannot be rigid and demanding to the point of discouragement, while teaching them to do a chore to the best of their ability or to sit still and quiet during appropriate times; we must still teach them! They will not be able to make their bed at 3 or 4 as well as a 10 or 12 year old, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have to do it or try their best. 

When Bob and I worked with the youth department at church, I was pretty rough on those teens. I expected a lot of them. I expected them to pay attention during the preaching and teaching sessions. I expected them to act appropriately and maturely in public places. I didn't expect perfection. I allowed for fun and laughter and even the occasional mess up but I did not allow disrespect of authority or ignoring of the preaching or inattentiveness. I used to constantly tell them that I wasn't their parent and I didn't care what happened in their home but they were on my turf now and I loved them enough to make them mind. They knew I meant it! I constantly reminded them of God's love and forgiveness even when they messed up but never let them off the hook for the mess up nor did I let them off the hook of my disappointment in their conduct. 

I am perfectly aware that the concept of expecting much can swing too far and that people push it to the point of setting young people up for failure or feelings of failure because they just can't live up to the expectations. Expectations MUST BE realistic but don't count out the 4 year old being able to tie their shoe or open their own bag of chips or put their own straw in a juice box. By the same token don't say that it's impossible for a 4 or 5 year old to sit quiet through a church service. They will sit through a movie. They just need to be taught! -- Taught to sit, taught to hush and taught to pay attention by telling them to look at the preacher. If you refuse to listen when they try to talk and just tell them to ssh and look at the preacher they will get the message. If you don't engage in conversation with them by asking what they want then you can nip the talking in the bud. 
Don't assume a teen can't get good grades. Encourage them to study and help them figure out how they best learn so that you can help them to study. Not all kids will be straight A students but neither should you write them off as not very smart and allow them not to try to get the best grades they are capable of achieving. 

Often times I have watched parents with young adult and even older adult children still living at home and allowing them to just pretty much sponge off the parents. Then you look back through their family history and find that the child has ended up that way because they were never pushed at all. The parent never expected much of them and the child lived up to that expectation. While we are on adult children living with parents, I don't get those who allow them to live under their roof and do things contrary to what would have been allowed before age 18 or contrary to the Word of God just because they are now adults and the parent thinks they don't have a say. I say that is wrong thinking! It's YOUR house! They live with you! You have a right to set rules in your house or they don't have to live with you. They are free to go elsewhere. No child, adult or not, will live in my home, not go to church, not pursue work, smoke, drink or sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend on my property...period! The work issue would be waved if there were a medical reason or something like that.  (That last part was free...just a rant!)

I hope I have ranted enough and explained enough for everyone to get the point. Stop saying "oh they can't or oh they are too small, young or dumb to do that". Many little ones have told me that they can't do something and they need my help even before they ever tried. I make them try. When you expect your teen to be irresponsible, they are much more likely to be irresponsible. Force them to be responsible. Hold them accountable for their actions. The two best things you can do raising your children is teach them to know and love the Lord and to be responsible for their actions.