I've learned over the years that when you don't expect much from young people or even older people, that's pretty much what you'll get. When you don't allow a child to try a task because you think they are too young or too small, you create in them a fear of trying. The same goes for their behavior. When you coddle them and baby them and continually allow them to be silly all the time without expecting them to conduct themselves correctly all the while saying, "They are just a child" or "They are only 2 or 3 or whatever age they are" you are allowing them NOT to learn to act correctly. While we cannot be rigid and demanding to the point of discouragement, while teaching them to do a chore to the best of their ability or to sit still and quiet during appropriate times; we must still teach them! They will not be able to make their bed at 3 or 4 as well as a 10 or 12 year old, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have to do it or try their best.
When Bob and I worked with the youth department at church, I was pretty rough on those teens. I expected a lot of them. I expected them to pay attention during the preaching and teaching sessions. I expected them to act appropriately and maturely in public places. I didn't expect perfection. I allowed for fun and laughter and even the occasional mess up but I did not allow disrespect of authority or ignoring of the preaching or inattentiveness. I used to constantly tell them that I wasn't their parent and I didn't care what happened in their home but they were on my turf now and I loved them enough to make them mind. They knew I meant it! I constantly reminded them of God's love and forgiveness even when they messed up but never let them off the hook for the mess up nor did I let them off the hook of my disappointment in their conduct.
I am perfectly aware that the concept of expecting much can swing too far and that people push it to the point of setting young people up for failure or feelings of failure because they just can't live up to the expectations. Expectations MUST BE realistic but don't count out the 4 year old being able to tie their shoe or open their own bag of chips or put their own straw in a juice box. By the same token don't say that it's impossible for a 4 or 5 year old to sit quiet through a church service. They will sit through a movie. They just need to be taught! -- Taught to sit, taught to hush and taught to pay attention by telling them to look at the preacher. If you refuse to listen when they try to talk and just tell them to ssh and look at the preacher they will get the message. If you don't engage in conversation with them by asking what they want then you can nip the talking in the bud.
Don't assume a teen can't get good grades. Encourage them to study and help them figure out how they best learn so that you can help them to study. Not all kids will be straight A students but neither should you write them off as not very smart and allow them not to try to get the best grades they are capable of achieving.
Often times I have watched parents with young adult and even older adult children still living at home and allowing them to just pretty much sponge off the parents. Then you look back through their family history and find that the child has ended up that way because they were never pushed at all. The parent never expected much of them and the child lived up to that expectation. While we are on adult children living with parents, I don't get those who allow them to live under their roof and do things contrary to what would have been allowed before age 18 or contrary to the Word of God just because they are now adults and the parent thinks they don't have a say. I say that is wrong thinking! It's YOUR house! They live with you! You have a right to set rules in your house or they don't have to live with you. They are free to go elsewhere. No child, adult or not, will live in my home, not go to church, not pursue work, smoke, drink or sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend on my property...period! The work issue would be waved if there were a medical reason or something like that. (That last part was free...just a rant!)
I hope I have ranted enough and explained enough for everyone to get the point. Stop saying "oh they can't or oh they are too small, young or dumb to do that". Many little ones have told me that they can't do something and they need my help even before they ever tried. I make them try. When you expect your teen to be irresponsible, they are much more likely to be irresponsible. Force them to be responsible. Hold them accountable for their actions. The two best things you can do raising your children is teach them to know and love the Lord and to be responsible for their actions.
This passage was in my reading a couple days ago and the first 10 verses just jumped out at me. Paul has quite a tall order for the believers he is writing to at Corinth. Paul begs (beseeches) them not to receive the grace of God in vain. That means empty. In other words, don't be nonchalant or flippant or apathetic towards the grace you have been given. He reminds them that God says He heard them in their day of salvation and (succoured) helped or relieved them.
Paul then goes on to give some commands. He tells them (and us!) to not give offence in anything, so that the ministry could not be blamed. In other words, so that no one can say they don't want to be a Christian because you are not conducting yourself correctly! --- This would be the case for my dear father-in-law. He sees no need to get saved because he has seen too many so called Christians lie, steal and cheat their way through life and he feels no need for salvation when he does right by others and many Christians have done him or family members wrong.
It may seem a tall order but it is none the less given as command in 2 Corinthians chapter 6. Paul goes on to say that we must approve ourselves as ministers of God (not just for preachers but all those who name the name of Christ are ministers of the gospel) and that we must be patient in afflictions, necessities, distresses, beatings (stripes), imprisonment, tumults (chaos or disorder), labours (pain or weariness), watchings (sleeplessness), and fastings (lack of food). Not only are we to be patient but we are to also do all this in pureness (blamelessness), by knowledge, longsuffering (patiently enduring with a good attitude), by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned (sincere affection), by the word of truth, by the power of God, and by the armour of righteousness.
Verse 8 is a bit confusing for it says by honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; -- I think in simplest terms this just means in every way you should be putting forth for the ministry of God as a Christian no matter what others are saying about you.
Verse 9 says as unknown, and yet well known: as dying, and, behold we live; as chastened, and not killed; -- Some don't know us yet others know us well, and even if we die we will live forever in heaven, some will chasten us but we are not killed just because we are chastened.
Verse 10 says as sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich: as having nothing, and yet possessing all things. -- even when we are saddened by the world we can rejoice in our Christianity and grace of God, even though we may be poor we can make others spiritually rich by telling them of the love and saving grace of Jesus, and though we may have few or no possessions on earth we are the child of our Heavenly Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and everything else!
To conduct ourselves in the manner that Paul tells us to in this passage, is indeed quite a tall order but that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to live it daily! We will fail at times but that's what the grace of God is for! When we ask forgiveness, He gives it! He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west and buries them in the depths of the sea never to be remembered again! WooHoo! Praise God!
