The Keeping of Our Parents

 

Each of us begins life with a parent or parents to take care of us. They generally make sure we are fed, clothed, bathe regularly and have a good place to sleep. 

I find it fascinating that God's plan was for things to reverse as we age. We begin life drooling and end it the same way if we live long enough! As our parents age we are suddenly the caregivers. It's now our job to make sure they eat, get dressed, bathe and have somewhere to get rest. 

Let's throw in some dementia and the scenario changes moment by moment. Now the care takes great patience as you are often dealing with a 150 lb or more toddler who can throw a tantrum as well as any 2 yr old. (As any one of us can from time to time!) The difference is that 150 pounder is too big to manhandle and put to bed for a nap! They ask even more questions than the toddler and are often frustrated by your answers. Confusion over where they are and who they and everyone else is can be an ongoing battle. Which can again lead to more angry outbursts. 

The mind is such a complex thing! One minute they can spout out their spouse's social security number but 30 seconds later cannot tell you when or where they were married. It's sad. As a matter of fact Dementia is a cruel illness that destroys dignity! 

They often become the poster child for ADHD and cannot sit still for more than 5 minutes as they pace the floor, open and close cabinets, move objects from place to place and turn fans and lights off and on. You think to yourself "My 2 yr old grandson is less active"! Then your heart breaks as you watch this unfold before your eyes over and over in any given day. 

All you want is for them to be who they were all your life. Yet, roles are reversed and you are now provider, protector and caregiver. Yes! Much patience and endurance is needed! The bible says in Proverbs 23:22 - Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. Making good and right choices isn't easy as you decide what is best for them. 

The Knowing of Hard Things

 

There are some occupations that require those involved in them to basically keep secrets. They are to tuck away the hard things and are not allowed to discuss those things with anyone else. My sister is an ER nurse and recently she sent a group text to me and our other sister to pray for a serious situation. She shared no pertinent details such as names or even gender but just a few general facts to allow us to know how to pray for the person and for her also as it was difficult for her mentally. It dawned on me after I prayed that it must be so hard to see patients come in with very serious injury or illness and understand how dire things are and still be professional and give comfort and aid to the patient and the family members. I'm grateful that when she is overwhelmed in a situation that her first reaction is to contact us so that she can draw from the One who can help most through our prayers. 

Doctors and all in the medical field, police officers, social workers, and those in ministry must keep their knowledge confidential. This knowing of hard things can at times be difficult to bear alone. 

Being a burden bearer can be lonely and if you are not careful you can allow the knowledge to overwhelm you and depression can sink in. Being a former pastor's wife allowed me to understand all of this in an up close and personal way. My husband knew more things than I did, though we more often than not, did counseling together. Still, his burdens were much greater. Knowing all about everyone's trials is one of the downsides to ministry life. Being upbeat and positive and smiling as you carry the burdens of so many others can wear on a person. It takes the grace of God to bring peace in the midst of the knowledge. 

I have known firefighters and first responders who have nightmares because of the gruesomeness they have witnessed. For them, I think it is not so much that they can't share what they witness if they leave out names it's more that most people don't want to hear gory details of the things they see. It's too much for the average person without training so they get to know those hard things with only their co-workers. It's probably what helps them bond as a unit. Very much like those who fight together in a war. 

Anyhoo, just a shout out to those who must know the hard things and keep it to themselves. And remember this the next time someone with a tough job seems detached or aloof because they are just needing some time to process through and compose themselves so that they don't expose too much about the situation.