When the Norm Changes

Often times change comes suddenly and unexpectedly and the average person is unable to cope. Even though life has had a major altertion from the norm, they refuse to accept what has happened and fight to hold on to what was. They will not move forward and learn what is necessary to make adjustments and live in a new manner. 

During the 14 months that my mom battled cancer, our family was constantly saying "Welcome to the new norm". From learning to administer pain meds and flush out feeding tubes to seeing Mom without hair. If you do not accept the here and now and adjust your attitude to it, you will be frozen and unable to deal and cope. 

No matter what is happening in your life that is different than you are used to or different than you want it to be, you must always be willing to move on to the new plan. Those who do not adjust and learn to cope with the reality of the situation, will become angry and miserable. They may also completely shut down and become useless. 

When my husband entered ministry  life (and myself and kids also) the kids had a major life change. They were leaving everything they knew behind and moving to a strange town in  a strange state and leaving close friends and family behind. I bought a book called Who Moved My Cheese for Teens by Spencer Johnson. I read it with them to try to help them see what was necessary for them to cope with the situation. The book uses test mice examples to show what happens when you refuse to accept the change. 

There will always be unexpected change in life. Some are simple daily changes to schedules or things just not happening the way you are used to or the way you want. Some will be big life changing events that feel like a tornado has ripped through  (maybe one literally rips through!) and causes such upheaval and change in routine that grieving actually takes place. That's fine as long as you, as quickly as possible, accept the change and move on and do what is now necessary for life. Sometimes health changes and you must learn how to deal with taking daily meds or how to deal with the loss of a limb or eyesight or hearing or what have you. Maybe you must now deal with caring for a special needs child. Whatever the new "Norm" is, the faster you accept, the faster transition will come and return to routine...just a different routine. 

Sometimes life is plush and laid back and easy going...other times it's desert and barren and takes alot of effort!

God Commands Oneness

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

It is reiterated again in the New Testament in Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:4-9. I want to take a look at becoming one. 

I believe there are many things to talk about in this. First of all there is the leaving and cleaving to one another. I did a previous post about leaving and cleaving. 

I think God intends for oneness to be in every aspect of the relationship. Not that they should have every thought and idea the same. But, they should be on the same page in finances, child rearing, church, and outside influences. There will be much turmoil and arguing if a couple cannot get on the same page in these areas. 

If one half of the couple likes to spend and the other is conservative in spending or prefers to pay bills and save, the arguing will ensue. If one half of the couple believes in loving discipline that includes spanking and the other only believes in timeout or grounding, arguments will happen. If one person is cautious about outside influences and the other is open to any and all things, there will also be arguing. 

Of all the things mentioned, I believe the one most important is church. It is not good enough to just look for and marry a Born Again Christian. You should marry inside your own faith. If you do not, there will be confusion for children where doctrine is concerned. There will be arguments about which church to attend. Also, within this the level of commitment to church should match your own. If one is nonchalant in church attendance and service and the other never misses and is very involved, again, arguments are bound to happen. 

  

Now, I'd like to say that some and probably most of these items mentioned will take being sure before marriage.  But, they can be worked out later in marriage. The happiest marriages are those with couples who have true oneness. Remember, God commands one flesh.

Social Media Monsters

I've been wanting to post about this for some time but my husband had total knee replacement 4 weeks ago and my time has been otherwise occupied caring for him and taking him to doctor appointments and physical therapy. Please understand that this post is directed straight at me along with anyone else who may be guilty. In our age of technology and the craze of social media ... Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc. we have created self absorbed, ego driven monsters. 

Everyone using them have at one time or another used it as their platform of "1 min to several minutes of fame". Not only do people air their dirty laundry and drama filled lives on their chosen media site, they are constantly checking to see who has reacted by liking, loving, commenting or sharing their post. If no one has, they suddenly feel rejected and ignored. If there is a large response, the ego is stroked and people feel important and valued.

Wow! I have been guilty of this! Especially where this blog is concerned. I mean many now famous people got their start by an ordinary blog! (Ree Drummond for instance) Now, I really have no desire to be famous but the more people who read your blog, the more people you have reached with your ideas!  I started my blogs to reach people, make them think, and to educate and encourage when I can. I have more than once felt useless and rejected when no one (including my own family) has commented on my blog posts or even acknowledged that they read it. I have learned to take it in stride and shove off those feelings because I apparently have more readers than I realize and they are reading but not commenting or sharing my posts.(I have realized this because once in a blue moon someone makes a comment and tells me they have been a long time reader!)  I keep in my mind that if I only make ONE person think or be encouraged or convicted or whatever, then I have served the purpose for which I started blogging in the first place. 

The above pic says it all really! It isn't just women but men also who are guilty of ignoring those around them while looking at their phones. I think cell phones and all technology devices can suck people in, but cell phones are so much more accessible. Tablets, computers, laptops, gaming devices can all create the same monsters as far as engaging in them and ignoring those around you. To me, it matters not which social media, website or game you are engaged in, if you are ignoring those around you, it is not a good thing! Resentments can build up quickly. Often the other person begins to do their own device engaging in response to being ignored by the first person and then pretty soon everyone is doing their own thing and isolating themselves from the very people sitting in the same room as them. 

I am going to start a new rule in my family that during meal time especially, there are no phones! People need to learn the art of conversation again. Over the past year, I have come to realize that even my husband and I talk less and are now silent for longer periods if our phones are put away. That is not a good thing! We have lost the art of talking to one another like we used to do. Don't get me wrong, we still have good conversations but there are times when it seems as though we struggle with topics to talk about and during those moments of silence, I notice that we both end up grabbing our phones and looking at something there. I don't like it and I want to do something about it. 

Just a little post to make you think and check yourself to see if you have become a media monster.