The "I Don't Understands" of Life

 

So many times in life I find myself saying, "I don't understand". I don't understand the craziness in the world. I don't understand the nonchalant attitude of many Christians being careless with their testimony. I don't understand the meanness of people. However, I can usually shake my head and shrug these off and chalk it up to humanity and sin natures. 

The other "I don't understands" I must leave to God and trust Him and His plan. There have been times when I thought "what good can possibly come from this?" Even when I have had these thoughts and hurt so deeply within, I have still chosen to trust. As Job said, Though he slay me, yet will I trust him. 

Still, I don't understand why I have been surrounded by death all my life. I have spent time at the funeral home in support of loved ones since I was 4 years old. I don't understand why my dad died when I was 12. I don't understand why my mom got lung cancer 5 years after quitting smoking and then passing after a 14 month battle. I don't understand getting to start a church and then having to close the doors 7 years later due to lack of growth and finances. Then later I don't understand trying so hard to impact people in Oklahoma only to see the church not grow and seemingly having no influence on the people. I don't understand why I survived being hit by a train when my friend, Warren didn't. I don't understand nearly dying yet surviving COVID and others don't. Every time I find out that another person who has COVID dies, I feel guilty. It reminds me to be grateful and to try to live up to the second chance God has given. I also must tell myself that God decided to let me live and chose to take those others. But the initial pang of guilt is always there. 

I often don't understand what God is doing but I trust Him. Jeremiah 17:7 - Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

Isaiah 55:8 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Romans 11:33 - O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

God is sovereign. It's His ball game. He is not only the coach but the umpire, the team owner and He gets to make the rules of the game of life.

I hope this may help someone who is struggling today with the "I don't understands" of life.

What Women Want

 I think I may have blogged about this idea years ago but it's been on my mind lately so I thought I'd do it again today. There's a lot of talk about what women want and there's even a whole movement out there demanding it. I plan to touch on the things that are wanted by most women deep down in their souls. 

I believe all women want a hero. Despite that there are many who say they don't need a man and can do everything themselves, I do think they want someone they can admire and who will save them from the things that frighten them. And yes! Everyone has fears. Fears of failing. Fears of not being good enough, etc. Whether they admit it or not, in their hearts they know themselves and what fears they have. The hero can take many forms. Maybe he fixes a broken appliance or car so that the repairman doesn't have to be called. Maybe he opens the jar of pickles that she was unable to open. Maybe he holds her hair while she throws up and helps her back to the sick bed. Maybe he changes the baby's diaper so she can have a break. Maybe he cooks or cleans to give a break. Any or all of these can create a hero in a woman's mind and heart. 

Often times, it's not about what a man does but how a woman FEELS around them. Women want to feel chosen. Chosen over anyone else, especially other women. Don't get me wrong they want to feel chosen over the buddies, too! Few things can melt the heart like hearing "I'd choose you again". 

This leads right into and goes along with women want to be a priority. No one wants to feel they are at the bottom of the to do list. They want their feelings and desires to be important. They want to be considered. 

Women want to be and feel supported. They want their ideas, thoughts and dreams to be supported and not poo pooed or discounted. It hurts the heart when someone doesn't feel supported. They feel like they no longer matter. 

Women want to be appreciated for the little things. No one likes to be taken for granted. It's important to tell someone that you notice the extras or just appreciate the everyday things. I almost died from covid back in September 2021 and since then my husband has expressed the little things that he's grateful for that I do for him. This makes my heart happy in knowing he appreciates me and he'd miss me if I were gone. 

Women want to feel gorgeous. This happens most when being told that they are by people they care about. They want it said even on days when they feel like they look awful. 

Of course I realize that most of the things I mentioned are also appreciated and desired by men, too. It's just called being human. It's being kind one to another. 

Most women I know do not want to take power from a man. Most don't want to try to compete with or be like men. There's a world philosophy out there that says all women are envious of men. (they use a term that I'm refraining from using because I don't feel it would be lady-like) While there may be some women like that, I don't believe it's the norm. In reality, true man envy is seeing the line at the women's bathroom and none at the men's or knowing your husband can jump out of the car and go beside it while you have to run inside the house urgently! 😅

One more thing. What women REALLY want is a very comfortable bra and comfortable shoes!!!

Taking off the Wonder Woman Outfit

 This post will not be what most will expect. I want to talk to those of you who have taken on a mindset role of Wonder Woman. So many  are strong women mentally and physically --well me not so much physically anymore! LOL :) but I consider myself a strong woman. We tend to try hard to live up to everyone's expectations and demands. The problem with that is we take on too much. Too much for our minds and bodies to endure. We become overwhelmed and worn out in mind, body and spirit. Then we crash! You see, just because a woman is strong doesn't mean she can do anything and EVERYTHING. Nor should she be expected to do it all. Everyone has limitations. 

Just because Wonder Woman could stop flying bullets, keep up with Superman and apprehend all the evil bad guys and never need rest all while looking perfect and sexy doesn't mean all women can do it. Yet so many of us try. I see you! I see you trying to do it all. To be the great mom, wonderful wife, awesome grandma, terrific teacher, best sister, perfect nurse, great care giver, best _____ (fill in the blank) and feeling like you fail on a regular basis. Or, if you are not failing, you're running yourself ragged and into a frenzy while running on empty and on the verge of a total break down. By the way, Wonder Woman is a character in a comic book and TV show. She's not real! 

STOP! Take off your Wonder Woman outfit and take a bubble bath, slip into some comfy, lazing about clothes and relax and take time to clear your mind. Or do something you enjoy today. Do not think about all you "need to do" or "should be doing". Remind yourself that you can't pour from an empty pitcher. You must go to the faucet and replenish so that you have something to pour. Figure out where and what your faucet is. LEARN THE WORD "NO"! Saying "No" is the first step to setting boundaries for yourself. Stop trying to please those who can't be pleased. Stop caring about opinions of those, who in the grand scheme of things, do not matter especially when they don't care about you and your needs. The world will not stop because you stop! Trust me, those around you that are draining your energy and making demands will figure out how to do for themselves. They will! LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT to live in survival mode where joy doesn't exist or smiles and laughter are too few and far between. People treat you the way that you allow them to treat you...ALWAYS. Respect yourself enough to demand better treatment. An easy step is to set boundaries. Boundaries shows others that you are not Wonder Woman and that you can't do anything and everything. Saying "No" will start the boundary process. Oh, those around you will not like it one bit. They are used to getting their way. They are used to you meeting every demand and expectation. But, stepping back from responsibilities dumped on you and saying "No" once in awhile will force them to do for themselves or figure out how to get things accomplished on their own. It may even help them realize how much they have taken you for granted. 

I'm going to share a picture to encourage you ...

 We can take off this Wonder Woman outfit and be ourselves, in our own clothes and watch some of the stress and feelings of being overwhelmed and anxiousness disappear. The outfit will still fit when we're ready to put it back on and take on the world again. 

Hope this encourages someone. If it does, please share! The more shares, the more people might read and follow my blog. Thanks. Have a blessed day!

The Time Bomb of Menopause

 

I say time bomb because for me that's how it seems to have happened. The hormones which began ticking at age 15 have been tick-tocking away all these years until BOOM! Two weeks after turning 55, almost like a bomb going off, the hot flashes began. Don't get me wrong, other symptoms have come on more slowly and were more sporadic but it was like the hot flashes hit over night! As someone who has always been cold, these outbreaks of hot and sweats are a new experience. Finally! I am now having my husband complain of being cold as I am the one turning the furnace down! 

The beginning of "Senior" life is indeed a new ball game. I say "senior" because at restaurants you often get a Senior Discount once you reach 55. 

From what I hear hot flashes are only one symptom of this time bomb. There may also be mood swings, hair loss, and hair growth in new places such as the upper lip, painful intercourse, joint pain and memory issues and yes, weight gain, especially in the waist area. Any or all of these can seemingly hit over night. This is our reward for living to this point?! This is the trade off for the gained experience, knowledge and wisdom?! I'm not sure I like it one bit! I think this little scenario may have to be one of my "God Questions" when I get to heaven...."Why did you do that?" lol

The Importance of Touch

 

I think so many take for granted how important touch is to people. Covid has certainly destroyed touch with all the rules and now habit of social distancing. Masks keep people from seeing expressions. You can no longer share smiles. I'm over the whole mask thing and only wear one where I am absolutely required to do so, such as a doctor's office or hospital. Lack of touch is the worst part of dealing with covid on a daily national level. I was recently hospitalized with covid and I can say from experience that I longed for hugs and touches from my husband and the rest of my family. I even cried some days and expressed to the nurses how much I just wanted to see and hold my husband's hand. Once my husband insisted on them moving me to a room with a window where he and my kids and grandkids could see me and we could talk on the phone, it helped my spirits so much. It still wasn't touch but it made me fight to get better. The nursing homes did a disservice to the elderly when they refused to let their families into see them and touch them. The employees could come and go yet family couldn't. By the way, it was medical staff that brought covid to the nursing home patients! --Every single time! If they were or are worried about covid spreading, they would pay nurses and staff hazard pay and lock them in the facility until danger has passed. Because of not being allowed to see their families, many of the elderly fell into deep depressions and quite frankly, gave up. This harmed their physical well being as well. 

Touch helps both the physical and mental state of anyone or even any animal. A calming and soothing voice also helps. It is seen in the NICU when nurses are caring for newborn babies. It is seen at the vet as they talk to the animals and pet them gently or hold them. These days doctors have discovered that touch is so important that when a new mom first delivers, they immediately place the newborn on the mom's chest for skin to skin contact. Yet, hospitals and nursing homes are keeping people from this very important asset!

IT STINKS! And I might even go so far as to say it's wrong. My husband, who had just gotten over covid himself, (so wasn't in danger) wasn't allowed in my room to help me make decisions about my health choices yet the hospital chaplain got to be in there. Bob was furious. He hadn't set eyes on me since leaving me at the ER 3 days earlier and was only being allowed to see me on a zoom call. I looked bad and could barely speak. There is just something wrong with that scenario!! 

My point is that touch is IMPORTANT! Hug and touch your loved ones daily! Never miss an opportunity because it's more therapeutic than most people realize. Scientists have proven that petting an animal brings joy and happiness to those who partake. How much more important is touch between people?! 

Life as a Mule

 

Hello there! This is my first time blogging since my hospitalization from Covid and nearly dying during. I hope it will make sense since I still have a bit of trouble gathering my thoughts and articulating them. My short term memory has gotten much better but is not 100%. 

I chose the title of this post because I am apparently stubborn as a mule when it comes to doing what the Lord wants. This is not the first time He has brought me to the brink of death to get my attention and move me in the right direction.

 I have been quite backslidden the past 2 years or so, especially in attitude which then effected my works. I admit that I have not witnessed as I should and allowed myself to become jaded and cynical when it comes to dealing with flawed people. I felt I wasn't having an impact as a pastor's wife no matter how hard I tried during the last 6 years of our ministry. The last 2 years my effort became progressively less as I allowed myself to become discouraged at seeing what I felt was no influence or impact in others. Yes, I know that God only asks for faithfulness not success. I also know that you cannot make people do the right things or care or make right choices in their lives but you hope that as you try hard to live Christ-like before them and to teach them God's Word that something will impact. I know that this is something that most people in ministry struggle with and I am watching it play out as a layperson and not the one in charge currently. Even large churches are struggling to see pews full, get volunteers to commit to anything or help in any way and seeing the faithful few become battered and worn out. It has been somewhat comforting to know that it wasn't just us and that most churches are struggling. I suppose it's a sign of the times. It's not that the world cares nothing about God and His Word, but it seems many Christians do not care either. It's a "me first world" and "my wants world" and that has changed the church world which in turn has allowed our country as a whole to turn their backs on God. 

OK back to my title. I didn't even realize I was being a mule and so backslidden in my work for the Lord. I only knew I was exhausted and feeling like it was all fruitless. When you're heart turns negative and cynical you begin backing up and no longer being prompted by the Holy Spirit or you start ignoring the Holy Spirit. I know now that's what I was doing. When God has you teetering between life and death and you are coming to grips with the possibility of leaving this world and your loved ones, it gets real, quickly! I had peace once I decided I was OK with dying or living which ever God chose. When He decided to miraculously heal starting the next day, I knew once again that God had a plan and purpose for my life. As I said, He has brought me to this point before and I have struggled for many years wondering if I was doing His purpose and plan. Going forward I no longer wonder. I am positive that I am to share my healing story and tell others about the saving grace of God through His son, Jesus. I am also going to try to stop being a mule. At least about listening to the Holy Spirit. Being stubborn has it's place. It also means I will not back up from standing on God's Word or telling others what it says. It also gave me determination in that hospital bed to set goals and fight to go home to my family. I did whatever the doctors told me I should to gain strength; eat, rest, sleep on my stomach to help my lungs. Doctors and even nurses told me that my goals weren't attainable. (It was to go home by that weekend) I even resided myself to what they were explaining to me and that it would not be until the next week. However, I DID go home on that Saturday! The doctor admitted it was miraculous and said I was the first from their hospital to be so close to death and then recover and was amazed at how quickly. I told her it was God healing. It was all Him. 

Sometimes we wonder why God uses such drastic measures to reach some of us. I believe He does whatever He has to do. I also believe that sometimes it has less to do with us and more to do with those around us. It helped my husband and kids pray like they never had before and it taught them and my grandkids to trust God. And I will continue to use my experience to help to strengthen their minds and hearts toward trusting God no matter what God chooses. There is so much peace in this and ultimately we get no choice anyway. Why fight God? Obey Him, and have peace in trusting Him. 

Hopefully this made sense. It took quite awhile to write as I tried to focus my thoughts. 

The Everyday Doesn't Have to be Disney World

 

It's been a few weeks since I have had a chance to post. Life has been super busy! Today I want to talk about traps that parents and grandparents fall into in their thinking. For the past 15 years or more, I've observed and even caught myself getting caught up in the fast pace, create grand experiences for the kids so everything is an adventure and fun and exciting. We think this needs to be done on a very regular basis. I'm not sure if it's because kids today are so easily bored because they have so much access to stimuli or if it's social media creating doubt and guilt in us so that we feel pressure to compete with what everyone else is doing. For me, I think it started maybe because I don't get to see my grandkids in person on a regular basis. Now that we have moved, that has changed with one set of kids. 

What I want everyone who reads this to realize is that everyday doesn't have to be Disney World fun. Simple everyday time spent playing with them is every bit as important as these grand, exciting experiences. Kids today have so much that many of them don't even know what they want if you ask them an idea for a present. They all seem to need to be constantly entertained by the adults in their lives. All over social media memes go around telling us to not purchase toys or games or gifts but rather give gift cards to have experiences. In other words, get them passes to the theme park or movies or mini golf or zip lining, etc. Well, I think we may be doing a disservice to these kids by doing that. Sure, if they are children that have never gotten to go experience something fun like that, then by all means help them go have a great experience once in awhile. On the other hand, the more they experience, the more bored they become with life. They are going to always be looking for the next big exciting thing to do. 

My own children didn't need me to play with them all the time. Neither did adults constantly need to entertain me. Making them play on their own forces them to use their imaginations and pushes their creativity. It makes them self-sufficient. Children are pretty resilient and will figure out how to get something done if allowed the time to do so. How do you think so many learn to build makeshift ladders to reach the candy or toy or game they want?

Now back to the grandiose experiences, I am almost 55 years old and when I look back on my life and my childhood the things I miss most are not the great experiences but the little everyday things. I miss playing with my cousins. I miss them. I miss spending time with them. The everyday fun we had has burned memories into my brain that I still long for. Yes, I have had some great experiences in my time, but those are not what comes to my mind first. We played more Army and S.W.A.T (using whiffle ball bats and sticks as guns!) and cowboys and Indians than any group of cousins alive. Of this I am sure! We played and we played hard! Life was great!  We played every kind of ball imaginable and we made up games to play together. We played in the dirt and the mud and swam in the river and never felt we were deprived because life was so much fun!   Playing anything together was fun! We had rope swings and tree houses and we also had grapevines to swing on, too!  The girls played dress up and house and we played in a net hammock for hours! We went sledding in the winter, built snow forts, built forts and club houses out of cinder blocks, climbed trees, pretended to be in a singing band and sang at the top of our lungs. We spent tons of time in the woods and in the fields catching grass hoppers and having water fights and when my kids were young they got to do the same things. My point is, the movies, parks, theme parks, traveling to other states, zoos and zip lining experiences were few and far between. And guess what, those few experiences are not the things that I miss. They are not what I look back on and think made my growing up life awesome. It was the time spent living everyday with those I loved. I had great cousins on both sides of my family and both sides of my family were inner twined because my mom and her siblings grew up with my dad and his siblings. My mind is flooded with spending the night at my cousin's houses or with my grandparents. My life was full of love and laughter and I had no doubt I was loved even when I messed up. No one can ask for more than that! 

Fun and laughter can come right at home in the house or in the yard! This is what makes a memorable life!

Just something to think about. I shared my heart and my past today. Hope it makes you think and is a blessing.