Roller Coaster Rides

I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride off and on for a couple months and then I thought I had gotten off on November 22.  Twenty four hours ago I was shoved back on... unwillingly ... yet there I was yesterday on my 30 year wedding anniversary getting a phone call from my primary care physician's office telling me that there were abnormalities on my mammogram and ultrasound report and it was being recommended that I see a breast specialist and see if they thought I needed a biopsy. I was in such shock that I really didn't ask questions but gave permission to set up a referral to the specialist. I then decided to call back a little while later and discuss it. I was told it was routine to set that up when everything wasn't completely normal. However, when I had gone for the testing, of which was extensive, the radiology Dr. told me she saw nothing that concerned her and that she wanted to put my mind at ease. Naturally, I was confused by the phone call yesterday. 

---Jump ahead to today...this afternoon I got a letter in the mail from the breast health center where tests were done stating that all appeared normal and to follow up in 6 months as per conversation on test day. Confusion began again. Now, I spent some time off and on in tears the past 24 hours and tried to keep myself from worrying too much. I started getting angry and decided to call my primary doctor's office to see what was up. After an almost argument with the receptionist and her insisting that the report they had (which she read to me and stated that they had discussed findings with me and my husband) --which they had! --- and she said they always refer patients to a specialist when anything shows up. I proceeded to explain to her when she didn't understand why I was confused or questioning the referral, that I was told about those abnormalities on the day of testing and that the doctor expressed she had no concerns at all. By the time I was off the phone with her it was left that she would set up referral and I could decline later when they called. Now, I was a teeny weeny upset and had trouble not blasting the woman. I finally said, "There is a mistake or misunderstanding somewhere. Either the radiology doctor had no business telling me on test day that there was nothing to worry about and then reported that there is, or you guys are misreading the results and scaring the crap out of me for no reason." 

I was so upset and crying that I called Bob and told him what happened. He suggested I call the center where the tests were done. My daughter said the same thing. So, I finally got through after several attempts and spoke to a very kind lady. She pulled my test results up while I was on the phone and read the report to me. She said she didn't know why they were making the suggestion to see a specialist. She then further told me that "this is a breast health center. If doctor would have had any concerns or thought you needed a specialist, you would have been taken off the table to her office immediately and had an appointment set up before I left the building. We don't mess around here with people's lives!" She then told me that the only recommendation was to follow up in May (6 months) and to do self breast exams each month to see if I notice any changes such as size or more soreness. If I do, I am to call right away. 

I am emotionally drained! I feel so tired! On the way to church tonight I told Bob even though I had good news I still feel like I am going to cry. 

I know that some may say that it is better safe than sorry. I understand that to a point but really? To order an appointment with a specialist and possible biopsy that is going to cost the patient money and stress waiting for that appointment. Seems to me unnecessary. Btw...when I was talking to the receptionist that wanted to set up referral, she told me that they may not even be able to get me in until January!!! I almost reached through the phone line! It took every ounce in me not to scream at her that it was inhumane to expect someone to worry that long over a possible cancer scare! ---Over the holidays! Really? How nuts is that?!!

I'm tired of this ride! I want to sail on some smooth water and just drift around awhile soaking in the sun, the air and the beauty God created not go on a fast paced, hilly, up and down, twist and turn ride that makes me cry and scream and feel relieved and calm and then start over again.

I know I am not the only one who has gone through something like this. We went through it several times when my mom got diagnosed with cancer but I want my roller coaster rides to be chosen by me and strictly for thrills and fun! No more forced rides! 

Putting Things in Perspective

The past couple months I've had a health scare. In July I found a lump in my left breast. I prayed and waited and tried essential oils but the lump wasn't going away so I finally told Bob about it in October. At this point, since it was breast cancer awareness month, I thought I'd try to get a free mammogram through a charity program since our insurance had run out at the end of August. We didn't qualify for a free mammogram and Bob set out to find us insurance. My doctor felt that the lump I was concerned about was probably not anything to worry about but she found another lump that concerned her. Insurance was purchased and I finally was able to have a mammogram and ultrasound yesterday. It turns out that they feel it is nothing to worry about but do want me to be rechecked in 6 months to keep an eye on things. It had been since 2002 for my last mammogram and so they want the recheck in 6 months to have a comparable. 

During these past few weeks, I have had lots of time to reflect on my life and think about the things that really matter. Think about dreams and goals that I have yet to meet. Think about things that are really important to me....to put things into perspective. To face my fears and doubts. To wonder about things I never did before and to realize my flaws, my vanity and weaknesses. 

To talk about them openly would be difficult because they are so personal. It would potentially cause hurt to others and may lower other's opinions of me. I could make a list of things I have realized about myself but I will refrain for now. Who knows, maybe someday I will feel compelled to share the details.

One thing for sure, is that a cancer scare will make you do some self evaluation, reflecting on life and realize what's important. No one is guaranteed tomorrow so make the most of time with loved ones. 

One thing is interesting to me. For this whole past year, I have been taking steps to become healthier and then I had this scare. At first, I really focused on natural cures and keeping myself from things that are known to feed cancer. Then, as time ticked by, and I felt like no one else close to me was concerned and had thoughts of "I may not have much longer so why deprive myself of things I love and enjoy". I started allowing things back into my eating habits and now that the scare is over, I must purge those things again, such as sugars and gluten and soda. 

Yep, cancer puts things into perspective. It puts it into persepective even if it is not you but someone you care about. However, it hits differently when it is you. Even when you have strong faith, your mind plays out things and you ponder many scenerios. See, I believe completely that God can work miracles and often does but it doesn't mean He WILL heal. I had prayed the entire time that it be nothing but if it was, that God strengthen me and use it to glorify Him and that natural and alternative methods would be shown to work. 

More Than Prayer

Last night Bob preached on America's Greatest Need----intercessory prayer. Very convicting. I agree that what this country needs is someone to stand in the gap and make up the hedge and call out to God on behalf of the welfare of the country. Secondly, what's needed is obedient Christians! God blesses obedience and He considers it more important than sacrifice. 

Now, as we were flipping to different places in our bibles last night and reading different examples of intercessory prayer, I noticed something. The different people praying to God, were not just praying; they were pleading and REASONING with God. They were explaining why God should grant their request. Moses did, David did, Jacob did, and plenty of others. Some were reminding God of His promises. Some were reminding God that to do what He intended would let other nations believe wrong things of Him or take away from Him being glorified. The point is, they didn't just ask in prayer for what they wanted...they reasoned with Him. They gave good points as to why He should grant the request. Some people say we should pray once and let it go and leave it to God. Well, the bible tells us to pray with persistence. (this means more than once) It also gives examples of pleading and reasoning with Him. All is given for our example, so maybe we should do more than pray.... maybe we should make our case before Him. Just something to think about.

As Time Goes By

Well here it is November of 2016 already. What a quick year! It's funny how fast time goes by after high school. One day you are at graduation wondering what the future holds and the next you're half a century old looking back at all your life has held and wondering how many more years are in your future. All of us go through so many changes in life just living day to day. Some have grand adventures and experiences but most people spend their lives going to work. getting married, having children and raising them, and doing our best to live happy, healthy, productive existences. There is nothing wrong with that....it's life. It's what makes up the fabric of our day to day. See, this is what makes up the dash between our birth and death. The everyday. Yes, there may be special and exciting days but mostly it's the daily routine that makes us who we are.

Lately, when I attend a funeral and look at the photos and videos of the deceased person's life, it reminds me that what someone was at the end of their life, isn't what they always were. Choices throughout have molded them into who they became. You find out that they were once young with dreams and ideas about their future. You find out what kind of person, husband or wife, father or mother they were. You can see how life has changed them physically. Their young skin and youthful hair color gives them a different look than when they are aged. 

As time goes by, live each day, even in the daily routine things, as though it is special....Because it is! It's what makes up who you are...the fabric of your life. Some day, people will gather to celebrate your life and mourn the loss of you and those pictures and videos and stories about you will be the story of YOU. None of us are who we once were ... hopefully, we are learning new things, growing intellectually, lovingly, and spiritually. 

Running the Race in Your Daily Walk

Just wanted to do some blogging during my break from painting the jr church room. Actually, I may not even get back to anymore painting today. My neck is hurting. But all the cutting in is done and we are ready for rollers.

The Bible is clear that as we go through life, we are to have a walk with the Lord, a Christian walk. One in which we walk circumspectly redeeming the time. One in which we spend time in God's Word and praying. One in which we are to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. One in which we witness to others about the saving knowledge of Jesus. One in which we show compassion and care of others. 

The Bible is also clear that as we are walking we are also in a race. We are to run that race with poise, grace, holiness and steadfastness. We are to run to win. We are to finish our course. It's not about what place you finish in, it's about finishing! Finishing what course God has for you. Being obedient at every turn, hill, mountain, valley and straight stretch He allows. I think it is interesting that both terms are used in the Bible. While we are having our daily walk, life is continually moving forward most always at a fast pace. I think the term race is used because life is short. We have but a short time to accomplish the things that matter in heaven so it seems as though life is racing by. And in reality it is. Even if one lives to be 100, in the grand scheme of things it goes by so quickly.  That person will probably say it seems like only yesterday I was but a child. One day you are a young adult getting married and starting a new life and then one day you wake up and you are 50 or 70 and you look back wondering where time went. 

May you look back, no matter what age you are, and are able to say as the Apostle Paul said, "I have finished my course. I have kept the faith." 

Why We Should Learrn What is Written

Last night at church Bob taught out of Colossians chapter 2. This post came to mind because of some things he said. 

As to the title of post--why we should learn what is written.

First, it was good enough for Jesus! When He was tempted in the wilderness by Satan, his response was always "It is written". He quoted the Word of God to avoid the temptations. Memorizing Scripture is important for us, too, in order to avoid Satan's temptations. You never know when you will need to rely on Scripture to help you but may not always have a Bible ready with you.

Second, we are to always be ready with an answer for others. --- to defend our beliefs, or to give encouragement to others. 1 Peter 3:15

Thirdly, in order to witness. Romans 10:17 says that faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. We are to use the Bible to encourage, admonish, rebuke, and show the love of God and Christ. We are to warn the sinner of his ways. 

You won't always have a Bible with you so memorize it. Even if you have one with you, it is best to know your Bible and where to find the scriptures you are looking to share. 

Just a little something to encourage you to learn what is written!

God Looks on the Heart

It's rainy out today so I thought I'd choose blue font for my post. I know probably most of you don't even notice the font color but it usually is chosen for my mood or to go with the theme of the post or whatever. I maybe should have chose red for the font color because of the word heart.

In Sunday school today, the topic of God looks on the heart was mentioned and how the world view today uses the verse. It so often is used to say that no one has the right to judge someone on their appearance or even their actions. --In essence, it doesn't matter what I look like or how I live because God knows my heart. Well, I don't mean to sound unkind but doesn't that thought even remotely scare you if that is your attitude? God DOES look on the heart! He knows our thoughts, our actions, what's in our heart that drives those thoughts and actions. That should be pretty scary if you ask me. Here's the thing...what's in our heart reflects the outside. It reflects our words, our appearance and our actions. 

So you say, how I dress or wear my hair should not matter because God knows my heart. He knows I am a kind, compassionate or ___________you fill in the blank. Maybe so. However, God said let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven. People can only see the outside. (at least at first, until they get to know you, after getting to know you, they can then decide no matter what's on the outside what is in your heart) but first impressions still exist.

So, we are not to judge someone based on appearance? Sorry, but that is just in the nature of most humans. Let me put it this way, if you are driving in a city and see a woman dressed scantily or provocatively on the street corner, what is your very first thought? Prostitute? You more than likely would be correct in your thought. Does that mean the woman is beyond salvation or the love of Jesus? No! But it DOES mean that they are involved in a life of sin according to God's Word. Are you wrong in your judgment of thinking that she is probably a prostitute? I say no. Because if the shoe fits wear it! She is for sale. She is dressed that way to let a man know that she is for sale. I say to ladies -- Don't advertise what you don't want noticed and to those to whom you have no business advertising it to. Save it for your own husband! 

Now, I will say that my first impression of someone based on appearance has been wrong many a times. For instance, when at a gas station or convenience store the men that seem to treat me the rudest have been the well dressed men. (those in suits or nice casual clothes) They are the ones who not only don't hold a door for me but have actually let it slam in my face. They are often not the ones to offer help when I am putting air in my tire or carrying something to my car. On the other hand, some of the ones doing the opposite have been those dressed roughly, or (forgive this judgment) been kinda scary looking with tattoos everywhere and wild hair. They have called me "Mam", held the door, been quick to help if I looked like I needed it. So, I know that first impression judgments based on appearance can leave your heart convicted but that doesn't change the fact that they are there. ----because I can't see their heart. I must make a judgment based on what I see. It isn't until later that I may see that they can be kind. 

God sees our self righteousness, our selfishness, our anger and hatred, our pettiness, etc. He sees it right there in our hearts even when we are good at hiding it on the outside from others. People cannot see right away. This should also be convicting in that no matter how we clean up the outside God sees the heart. 

It has been my experience that those who want to dress and look like they choose no matter God's standards or live in actions contrary to God's Word yet throw that verse around are justifying their rebellion to God. And, that's usually their attitude and tone of voice when quoting the verse!