When the Norm Changes

Often times change comes suddenly and unexpectedly and the average person is unable to cope. Even though life has had a major altertion from the norm, they refuse to accept what has happened and fight to hold on to what was. They will not move forward and learn what is necessary to make adjustments and live in a new manner. 

During the 14 months that my mom battled cancer, our family was constantly saying "Welcome to the new norm". From learning to administer pain meds and flush out feeding tubes to seeing Mom without hair. If you do not accept the here and now and adjust your attitude to it, you will be frozen and unable to deal and cope. 

No matter what is happening in your life that is different than you are used to or different than you want it to be, you must always be willing to move on to the new plan. Those who do not adjust and learn to cope with the reality of the situation, will become angry and miserable. They may also completely shut down and become useless. 

When my husband entered ministry  life (and myself and kids also) the kids had a major life change. They were leaving everything they knew behind and moving to a strange town in  a strange state and leaving close friends and family behind. I bought a book called Who Moved My Cheese for Teens by Spencer Johnson. I read it with them to try to help them see what was necessary for them to cope with the situation. The book uses test mice examples to show what happens when you refuse to accept the change. 

There will always be unexpected change in life. Some are simple daily changes to schedules or things just not happening the way you are used to or the way you want. Some will be big life changing events that feel like a tornado has ripped through  (maybe one literally rips through!) and causes such upheaval and change in routine that grieving actually takes place. That's fine as long as you, as quickly as possible, accept the change and move on and do what is now necessary for life. Sometimes health changes and you must learn how to deal with taking daily meds or how to deal with the loss of a limb or eyesight or hearing or what have you. Maybe you must now deal with caring for a special needs child. Whatever the new "Norm" is, the faster you accept, the faster transition will come and return to routine...just a different routine. 

Sometimes life is plush and laid back and easy going...other times it's desert and barren and takes alot of effort!

God Commands Oneness

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

It is reiterated again in the New Testament in Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:4-9. I want to take a look at becoming one. 

I believe there are many things to talk about in this. First of all there is the leaving and cleaving to one another. I did a previous post about leaving and cleaving. 

I think God intends for oneness to be in every aspect of the relationship. Not that they should have every thought and idea the same. But, they should be on the same page in finances, child rearing, church, and outside influences. There will be much turmoil and arguing if a couple cannot get on the same page in these areas. 

If one half of the couple likes to spend and the other is conservative in spending or prefers to pay bills and save, the arguing will ensue. If one half of the couple believes in loving discipline that includes spanking and the other only believes in timeout or grounding, arguments will happen. If one person is cautious about outside influences and the other is open to any and all things, there will also be arguing. 

Of all the things mentioned, I believe the one most important is church. It is not good enough to just look for and marry a Born Again Christian. You should marry inside your own faith. If you do not, there will be confusion for children where doctrine is concerned. There will be arguments about which church to attend. Also, within this the level of commitment to church should match your own. If one is nonchalant in church attendance and service and the other never misses and is very involved, again, arguments are bound to happen. 

  

Now, I'd like to say that some and probably most of these items mentioned will take being sure before marriage.  But, they can be worked out later in marriage. The happiest marriages are those with couples who have true oneness. Remember, God commands one flesh.

Social Media Monsters

I've been wanting to post about this for some time but my husband had total knee replacement 4 weeks ago and my time has been otherwise occupied caring for him and taking him to doctor appointments and physical therapy. Please understand that this post is directed straight at me along with anyone else who may be guilty. In our age of technology and the craze of social media ... Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc. we have created self absorbed, ego driven monsters. 

Everyone using them have at one time or another used it as their platform of "1 min to several minutes of fame". Not only do people air their dirty laundry and drama filled lives on their chosen media site, they are constantly checking to see who has reacted by liking, loving, commenting or sharing their post. If no one has, they suddenly feel rejected and ignored. If there is a large response, the ego is stroked and people feel important and valued.

Wow! I have been guilty of this! Especially where this blog is concerned. I mean many now famous people got their start by an ordinary blog! (Ree Drummond for instance) Now, I really have no desire to be famous but the more people who read your blog, the more people you have reached with your ideas!  I started my blogs to reach people, make them think, and to educate and encourage when I can. I have more than once felt useless and rejected when no one (including my own family) has commented on my blog posts or even acknowledged that they read it. I have learned to take it in stride and shove off those feelings because I apparently have more readers than I realize and they are reading but not commenting or sharing my posts.(I have realized this because once in a blue moon someone makes a comment and tells me they have been a long time reader!)  I keep in my mind that if I only make ONE person think or be encouraged or convicted or whatever, then I have served the purpose for which I started blogging in the first place. 

The above pic says it all really! It isn't just women but men also who are guilty of ignoring those around them while looking at their phones. I think cell phones and all technology devices can suck people in, but cell phones are so much more accessible. Tablets, computers, laptops, gaming devices can all create the same monsters as far as engaging in them and ignoring those around you. To me, it matters not which social media, website or game you are engaged in, if you are ignoring those around you, it is not a good thing! Resentments can build up quickly. Often the other person begins to do their own device engaging in response to being ignored by the first person and then pretty soon everyone is doing their own thing and isolating themselves from the very people sitting in the same room as them. 

I am going to start a new rule in my family that during meal time especially, there are no phones! People need to learn the art of conversation again. Over the past year, I have come to realize that even my husband and I talk less and are now silent for longer periods if our phones are put away. That is not a good thing! We have lost the art of talking to one another like we used to do. Don't get me wrong, we still have good conversations but there are times when it seems as though we struggle with topics to talk about and during those moments of silence, I notice that we both end up grabbing our phones and looking at something there. I don't like it and I want to do something about it. 

Just a little post to make you think and check yourself to see if you have become a media monster. 

Why Did Jesus Come?

I have had conversations with people in the past that try to convince me that Jesus came for this reason or that reason and often they are taking a Bible verse out of context or getting ideas expressed in the Bible mixed up. Some have told me that Jesus came to take care of the poor. Some have said that He came simply to spread love. Some have even said that He came just to do away with the law and the Old Testament. That one is funny to me because Jesus often quoted the OT. 

I'm going to show what the Bible says (and most of these are straight from the mouth of Jesus!) about why He came.
He came to...
1. FULFILL the law - Matthew 5:17
2. Minister & give His life as a ransom - Matt. 20:28
3. Preach the Kingdom of God - Luke 4:43
4. Cause division - Luke 12:51
5. Seek & save the Lost - Luke 19:10
6. Save the world - John 3:17
7. For judgement - John 9:39
8. Give abundant life - John 10:10
9. Bear witness of the truth - John 18:37
10. Save sinners - 1 Timothy 1:15

All these are reasons for why Jesus came to earth. It was not just for us to have a personal relationship with Him. The main reason He came was to reconcile us back to God! Adam and Eve had a perfect relationship with God in the garden of Eden until they disobeyed God's command. Because of that disobedience, punishment was set ... Eternal separation from God in the Lake of Fire. Adam & Eve sinned and because of that, all have a sin nature. Yet, God loved the world so much that He sent His son Jesus (and Jesus willingly went out of obedience & love!) to pay a sin debt that every person owes to God. 

Jesus came, suffered and died, was buried and rose again the third day. He died to pay that debt of sin we owe but he rose again to conquer death for us. His main purpose in coming was to reconcile us back to God! Without trusting in the work Jesus did, there is no salvation. There is only eternal separation from God in a fiery place of torment. The punishment was set for disobedience back when Satan rebelled against God and took a third of the angels with him. It tells us in Matthew 25:41 that hell was prepared for the devil and his angels. Disobedience (sin against God's Word) has a punishment. 

Reconcile means to restore to friendship or harmony.

These verses talk about Jesus coming to reconcile us back to God...
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Colossians 1:19-20
Hebrews 2:17

Ultimately the reason to accept Jesus as your Savior is to get to have a relationship with God forever more, along with not suffering for an eternity in hell. 

Heat & Pressure is a Good Thing

Have you noticed that when you are going through a difficult time, all you can think about is that you want it over with? I  know that is what I think and even pray for. Fiery trials and pressures are hard on us, aren't they? Let's look at three different aspects of things that are improved by heat and pressure. 

Gold! Gold is created first by melting down the metal to a liquid form. Then a worker adds Borax and soda ash which causes the pure gold to separate from the other metals. Heat is the first step to making pure gold. God often uses fiery trials to purify us. The next step removes the things from the gold that is harmful or impure. God sometimes uses circumstances to remove harmful or unnecessary things from our lives.

To have a piece of pottery that is usable, soft clay is formed into the shape intended and then put into a fiery kiln to harden the clay. It would not be usable if it were not hardened. Sometimes when God uses trials to form us and make us useful for His Kingdom, it is difficult to experience but we can endure if we keep in mind that God has a purpose. If the heat wasn't applied to the soft clay, bowls, vases, pitchers, etc. would never be able to be used by us for their intended purpose. 

Diamonds are some of the most precious stones in existence. They are the most common used stone for wedding and engagement rings...the stones used in the jewelry to represent lasting love. These precious stones can only be created by carbon being heated to a very high heat while also being put under very intense pressure. God uses fiery trials and sometimes extreme pressure to form us into something precious to Him that can represent His everlasting love. 

Maybe the extreme pressure you are under is a very demanding job or situation where decisions are needed in high stress circumstances. Maybe the fiery trial may be a job loss, a broke down car or appliance, or a health crisis. Whatever the pressure or heated situation, keep in mind that God is allowing it or orchestrating it for your own good...to bring you closer to Him, to form you into what He approves of, or to make you more useful to Him. 

Individual Cheesecakes

This is my motherinlaw's recipe... It is naturally gluten free and they are soooo good.

Preheat oven to 300

3 8oz pkgs Cream Cheese (softened)
1 c. Sugar
5 Eggs
1 1/2 t. vanilla

Cream together cream cheese and sugar. Add eggs one at a time mixing well after each. Add vanilla.

Line muffin tin with cupcake liners. Fill each 2/3 full and bake for 40 mins. No more! They should rise but not brown. Remove sooner if they start to brown. Allow to cool but keep oven on. Cakes will create a concave area.

Filling:
1 c. Sour Cream
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 t. vanilla

Mix together with spoon. Put some in each concave area of cakes. Bake 5 min more. Cool completely and keep refrigerated.

These are not too sweet and delicious!

What's in a Holiday?

Been contemplating some things about holidays and "honoring" days and did you know that nearly every day of the year is a "National...something...Day"?! It may be national ice cream day or french fry day or bacon day or international women's day ... really? I get some of the holidays...Christmas, Easter, 4th of July or Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, possibly even Labor Day but there are some that I don't get. Even most of the ones I already mentioned are mostly used by the world as an excuse to get drunk. Sometimes I think the government recognized holidays are just an excuse to take a day off work. I'm all for that! When I was a kid we got Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays off but when my kids were in school they combined them into President's Day and now Martin Luther King Day is added in.

The one I have been thinking about is coming in May. You guessed...Mother's Day. Ha, I bet you thought it was going to be Memorial Day. It is a day the government appointed to set aside to honor mothers everywhere. In fact, men are encouraged to honor their mothers and their wife who is the mother of their children. So, that's kind of a double whammy. The same goes when Father's Day comes around in June for the women. I get it. Just like Valentine's Day is supposed to be a special day for couples that gets recognized even though it's really just a money maker for stores and the couples should be treating each other right, special and with respect on a daily basis but on February 14th we are to step it up a notch and spend money so the stores can make a profit. Can you hear my sarcasm?! 

The Bible tells us in the Ten Commandments to honor our father and our mother....this means daily. This means all the time! And, as we taught my kids and as Bob and I taught to teens as youth pastor, it means honor goes beyond obedience. Obedience is when you still live at home under parent's roof. Honor is a life time commitment. Honor is what happens as a result of your character that reflects positively back to the parents! It's also what happens when the parent is not present with the child. Most kids can act correctly when authority is around (MOST!) but when a child does right when they think no one is watching...that's the true test. 

I was reminded this past week about the real way my kids honor me. I was reminded when my son called to talk. It is not always by them remembering to send a card or call on Mother's Day, because truthfully, sometimes life gets busy and they forget to send a card or call. Sundays are very busy (which is the day the government chose to pick for honoring parents...you know the day most have off anyway...including them!..except those in ministry or heavily committed to helping around the church). Some Sundays even a phone call would be rushed. I'm actually ok with that even though I know when those times have happened my kids feel awful about it. 

Here's what I know for sure...they honor me often. They are praised to me by others. This reflects what Bob and I taught them. They call me for advice on a regular basis. They call me when they need to vent out frustrations so they do not explode from holding it in. They know they can trust me to listen, to steer them when they are off in their thinking (and yes I do tell them) or to remind them to look at it from a different perspective. They know I am a safe zone. This honors me. I know for a fact that not all parent/child relationships are this way. I've been in ministry life in three different states and observed too much not to realize this fact. I am very thankful for the relationship I have with my daughter and son. I can talk with both of them privately about nearly anything. This fact alone brings me honor. I'll take it! It's worth much more than a card made of paper. The knowing in your heart that your child values you and your opinion is priceless. Hey maybe I should make a commercial! lol

So, for me, Mother's Day is any day that my child chooses me. When I am their go-to person. I hope and pray I never let them down. I'm sure I have in the past but hope I never do in the future.